I found this page to be rather poignant for me.
This is one of a gazillion other photos taken by me.
I began writing this post on June 12th, but couldn't finish it at the time... It had been sitting around as a draft until now.
The weekend of June 10th, my honey-man and I had a very serious, much needed convo... The matter of discussion: What's our deadline for my moving to California, if and when I haven't yet scored a job?
4 months? 5 months? A year? How long do we wait? At very first, the thought of determining an answer for this question was upsetting alone... My primary resistance to moving to L.A. before securing a job is this: I am terrified to live without health benefits. TERRIFIED -- Not having coverage; it's just not something I do. I could say more on this, but I won't. Leave it at that. I'm terrified.
So anyhow, establishing a deadline... If it takes me longer than 3 months to get a job, something just ain't working, ya know? The L.A. job market ain't exactly booming right now, and the competition is high. Not being in L.A., searching from Vegas, it's proving itself to be rather difficult effort.
Today (June 12th at the time), I went to see my boss, to tell him that unless I score a job sooner than later, my last day will be August 31st. He understood our reasoning, and some rhetorical questions were posed as to how well I'll adjust to life in L.A., but before walking out his office, I said, more for me than him, "With change, good things can come." And then, turning from his office doorway, out into the hallway, I promptly burst into tears.
And once I was back in my office, like clockwork, my honey-man called to check in = my primary reason to move to L.A. ~ ~ And then, to follow-up, my sweet friend, Ryan showed up outside my office door = one of the many reasons that it's so hard to leave Vegas.
Man, change can really exacerbate insecurity -
For weeks now, I've been swimming in it - Insecurity, that is. It's totally kickin' my ass!
"Good things can come from change"... (repeat to self, over and over).
A most belated announcement -I know, I know- BUT I just wanted to let everyone know that not only did we meet my $1,500 fundraising goal for this year's 2006 MS Walk in April... we EXCEEDED it!
THE GRAND TOTAL: $1,610!
THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH for supporting the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and FOR HELPING ME, help my Popstar ~ the wonderful, Poppy Johnston! She, her family and her friends and myself - we all THANK YOU for your contribution!
You guys RAWK! Barbara & Richard Ballingham, Jim & Radeane Blackwell, LaVerne Boe, Jackie Camp, Mike Chiafulio, Shelan Davis, Robert Dippner, Sherri Draper, Jamey Garbett, Tim Garbett, Lindsey Harrington, Pam Havig, Chandra Huntington, Dannie & Cliff Johnson, Seorin Kim, Bob Koettel, Kerri Ladish, Ryan Larsen, Brian Lech, Julie Loiacano, David Maas, Tracy Manford, Pascal Marcotte, Rebecca Marcotte, Aaronell Matta, Janice McMurray, Stephanie Morris, Suzanne Poulsen, Charles Rasmussen, Jenna Silverman, Daly Sorvongsavanh, Ike & Shanna Thomas, Amy Sloan-Forderer, Stephanie Stowman, Rebecca Thomas, Leslie Trottier, Katherine Trottier, Jennifer Vecchio, Diane Villa, Wayne Weiten
I was just given word that a particular grant related to my MPA topic was not only approved, but AWARDED, and the money is already comin' in - !?!
What does this mean? I'll be getting paid part-time to do survey-based research with this grant. I'll get to do some traveling! I'll be paid for it! Not only will it provide excellent grant experience, the money will help ease my transition in L.A., so that if I don't find a job by August 31st, I'll still be makin' enough moolah to pay for all my necessities/bills.
Did you hear that everyone?
It was a HUGE body-heaving, sob-racked sigh of relief.
You all have NO IDEA how much I've been stressing in the last 3 weeks - well, my honey-man does. Poor man. I'm so sorry baby for behaving like a neurotic spaz!
How serendipitous is this, right? RIGHT!?!? Somebody give me a trampoline! I'm ready to flip!
Every year, my mother's family celebrates the Winter Solstice with an evening bonfire, either up on a particular hillside overlooking the Bear Lake valley or at the lake, itself, complete with live music (ranging from acoustic guitar to accordian - yes, accordian), singing, candles and lights everywhere and food and drink overflowing. In contrast, my father's family has paid particular attention to the Summer Solstice, trekking off to northwestern Utah every 5 years or so, to visit the Sun Tunnels. The last family trip was in either 2000 or 2001, but I missed it because I had to stay in Vegas for work... and it totally sucked.
I hope to go again at least one last time and to do so before either of my grandparents bow-out. Moving futher away from Ootah, when or how that will ever happen, I really don't know. Okay, now I'm just makin' myself sad, which was not the idea here. I just wanted to say HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE and offer some info. re: the Sun Tunnels.
Check it out here and here. * UPDATE *And here's another good article.
Note of correction: I did NOT take any of these pictures. They're from here and here.
5 of my "GUNNA FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS" splurgy snacks I enjoy most: 1) Nutella spread on croissants, 2) croissants in general, 3) a "Cappuccino Heath" Blizzard from DQ, 4) a "Strawberry Blonde" Like-It from Cold Stone Creamery, and 5) delicious, greasy onion rings from Hires with LOTS of 'fry sauce'
5 bands for which I know the lyrics for MOST of their songs: 1) The Beatles, 2) Sarah McLachlan, 3) ABBA, 4) Madonna (who doesn't?), 5) Tori Amos
5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1) Pay off my loans (student loans and the Matrix car loan), 2) buy a condo in Burbank and couple investment properties outside of CA, 3) donate some serious money to the American Cancer Society, 4) create a hefty collective college fund for the angel boy-O, plus any unborn sibs to arrive later on, and 5) reinvest the rest for retirement.
5 locations I'd like to run away to: 1) Europe with a Europass, or more specifically, 2) Italy, 3) France, 4) Spain and 5) Thailand.
5 bad habits I have: 1) Biting my lower lip and/or the inside of my cheek when nervous (doesn't happen much), 2) clenching my jaw (all the time), 3) picking at my face (morning and night), 4) Interrupting (a lot), 5) not asking for help when I need it
5 things I would never wear: 1) spandex, 2) Daisy Dukes, 3) anything with pleats, 4) anything with gold lame' 5) anything from a saucy, uber expensive, ultra-overpriced, overrated fu-fu fashion designer label.
5 solitary hobbies I enjoy most: 1) reading, 2) sewing, 3) refinishing furniture, 4) stain glass, 5) gardening
5 things I like to do involving others: 1) cuddling with my boys (NOTE: "My Boys" = the honey-man, the angel boy-O, plus Otis & Owen), 2) going to visit family and friends, 3) traveling, 4) game night at my place 5) breakfast at my place
5 biggest joys at the moment (more like on-going): 1) mah honey-man and the angel boy-O (they're a package deal), 2) Otis & Owen (also a package deal, but furry and smaller than the first), 3) being done with grad school, 4) BEING ENGAGED TO MY SWEET LOVE! and 5) living with my aunt before I leave Vegas.
5 things to look forward to: 1) mah Bridal Shower in July, 2) Hopefully, my 2nd trip to Montreal in August, 3) Gettin' a job in L.A., 4) Movin' to L.A., 5) Gettin' a place in Burbank, 6) Gettin' my stuff out of storage, 7) Picking a place and when to get married, 8) Gettin' hitched to my sweet honey-man, 9) OUR HONEYMOON! WOO-HOO!, 10) Making a home with my honey-man, 11)... (THIS LIST COULD GO ON AND ON!)
You may or may not have noticed, but in the side margin on the right, I have a lil' "Song in My Head" spot, featuring the current song I've got stuck in my head, including a link to a list of the other songs I've had stuck in my head (at least the few songs that have been noted thus far)... So tonight, on the way home from a get together with some dear friends, "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits came on the radio, and immediately I thought, "This one is soooo gunna get stuck in my head - I love its Intro and chorus - This will be my next 'Song in My Head' song."
I've been listening to that song since it first hit the radio waves, early mid-80s I think? Although I was only 9 or 10 years old at the time, I had loved it. This time though, I realllllly listened to the lyrics from beginning to end, and honestly, I was a little stunned to realize I had NEVER really heard them before. Kind of like the time I first ever really listened to all the lyrics for "Grease Lightening" from the movie Grease. Anyhow, in "Money for Nothing," the use of "faggot" - ?!? The REPEATED use of the word "faggot" - ?
Sadly, I don't like that song anymore.
p.s. I still love "Grease Lightening"
I will never again buy generic cotton swabs. Q-Tips are the ONLY way to go.
Update, 2006/10/18: Yes, Rule #1 came long after this post... but this item is now considered not only a lesson learned, but a "personal rule of conduct;" now Rule #2, to be exact.
UPDATE for the recent anonymous commenter: Honestly, having any old boyfriend check out my blog is ABSOLUTELY fine - I'm on good terms with most of them anyhow. But this one? You obviously -whether you know him or not- have NO IDEA just how awful our break up was (more like downright nightmarish and hellish), nor do you have any idea what's gone on over the last 3+ years since we broke up, whenever his previous live-in girlfriend was at home, sleeping.... Like how he 1) drove across town in the middle of the night and left a lengthy hand written note on my car, literally begging me to give him a 2nd chance, at the same time admitting in writing that he sat outside my house waiting for hours, watching my window, hoping I would come outside (that was a year or so after our break up?); and 2) how I agreed to have lunch with him in late 2004, so he could ask me some questions, where he told me that he still hadn't met anyone special -although he was still living with the same woman he had met 3 weeks after our break up, who lived with him up until last Fall of 2005- and he then tried to hold my hand from across the luncheon table; or how 3) every 6-9 months on average, about twice each year, he would call in the middle of the night, drunk and rambling about 'what ifs' and how he 'missed us' and how we were together. His more recent calls (November '05 and his multiple calls to my cell in the early AM of 2006 New Years Eve/Day) were unsettling, to say the least - - then followed by visits to my blog - - plus a couple anonymous chicken-shit comments posted, as if they weren't him? Oh and throw in a couple hate letters received since the break up and various emails ranging from "I love you still" (one of the 'earlier' ones - mid to late 2004) to "You should apply for this job opening here at my new work..." (think that was before New Years -?).
Now, none of it makes him a stalker, exactly - that's a bit much, really, but combine ALLL OF IT from over the last 3+ years since the break up and not only does it all make his visits here unwelcome, but it's led me to suspect the man has/had issues moving on. You don't think so?!? Well, call me egotistical then. That's fine. One thing, however, that I do absolutely agree with you on: "Sometimes we can gain insight into a friend's choices/personality/behavior by learning about a person they once chose to make a part of their life." I absolutely agree. And his part in my life makes me sad, as to what it possibly says about me. END OF UPDATE.
I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but this next comment is directed to Mr. T.R.:
What is wrong with you? Didn't you get the message last time?!? MOVE ON!
Those of you wondering what this is or who I'm talking to? - See previous posts here and here.
P.S. And those of you now concerned about site meters? - Read this previous post here.
In the last 32+ hours of Blogger's whatever that was, I had finally spent some good time visiting several of my favorite blogs, and I was unable to post any comments = dammit!
I made my first purchase ever on eBay (I've had a profile since 2001 and had never used it) and wanted to write a quick confessional blurb about how thrilled I was at the time and how at the same time I was feeling almost ashamed - - but that moment is gone = dammit!
I was gunna write a confessional post about my new obsession with Fox TV's "So You Think You Can Dance," but now, all I'm up for is a simple admission - end of story = dammit! Well, no. I'll say this much more: It's so bad, my obsession, that I LEFT A FUN PARTY last night to be home by 9pm, in time for the show - ?!? I'm gettin' my aunt hooked on it too! She thinks I'm evil.
Yesterday, I wanted to post a clever Self-Portrait Day Thursday - but now? My USB flashdrive with the pic I wanted to post is now at work and I've got today off, away from work = dammit!
Starting Tuesday, I had begun writing a chronicle of sorts re: my latest 10-day long pursuit - - yes, I'm being evasive on purpose - - but I couldn't add to my current draft = dammit!
Everybody have a fabulous weekend! I'm off to deal with our Echo's needs while my honey-man's driving the Matrix in L.A. [Echo's bumper replacement = cheaper in Vegas (poor Grams hit it when we were up in Bear Lake) and a much needed tire rotation]. I also gotta go dig my wireless router out of storage, so I can happily spend the rest of the day job searching from the comfort of the couch!
P.S. I will have to write about the eBay purchase I made, but not until AFTER Father's Day has come and gone!!! (soooo excited!!!)
Last weekend was grrreat, indeed. Garrison Keillor and his star studded crew were wonderful - Meryl Streep is soooo versatile! And damn, she can be cute! And the 'Bowl' - ? I had NO IDEA the Hollywood Bowl was so freakin' huge?!? HUUUUGE! Aside from that (IT IS SO HUGE!), throughout the show, certainly at it's very start, I found myself vehclempted. Tears ran down my face. It was funny - I hadn't realized how much the show would flood me (more like drown me) with memories of my mum. I found myself thrown back to my childhood, while my honey-man remembered different days, listening to Garrison Keillor broadcasts with his former spouse, Wendy (REMEMBER: My honey-man and I have got a 10 year age difference between us). For us both, the event was ladden with nostalgia -and we found that we both felt a little sad- yet it was a new experience and it marked the beginnining of something significantly different. For me, although I'm not exactly there yet, the event marked the beginning of my time living in Los Angeles.
Another thing to mention: This past weekend, one thing that was notably different from all previous weekends... I was introduced by my honey-man as his fiance, well, cuz I am his fiance, but man! It threw me for a loop! I'm fiance'd! (giggling ensues) ~
Which brings me to the PRIMARY reason I'm writing right now [other than the fact that I'm still up and I can't go to bed until my Amish Friendship 'CAKE' (it is SOOOO NOT bread!) is outta the oven - - Tomorrow AM, you better be grateful, Kashmir! It's for YOU!]:
I wanna shout out a BIG HEARTFELT THANK YOU to everyone who's been so enthusiastic, hearing the news of our engagement! It is so sweet to feel so much support and enthusiasm. It's absolutely wonderful! ~ Hugs galore for all! WOO-HOO!
ALWAYS, before any trip, I'm ABSOLUTELY wired outta my mind with excitement. Just last week, the night before flying out to SLC, UT, for example... I was up until 5AM!?! I had only two hours of sleep before going to work!?! Crazy? Yes. Avoidable? I haven't yet figured out how to rewire myself. Tomorrow morning -or should I say, later this morning?- I'll be hitting the highway for L.A., to meet my sweet lovin' FIANCE' (Woo-woo! yeeeaah BABY! YEAH!) for an evening 'concert of sorts' at the Hollywood Bowl. It'll be my first Hollywood Bowl event, and we'll be going with my honey-man's former spouse, dear Wendy, and her beau, plus a friend. Willingly socializing FOR FUN with the ex-wife of one's sweetheart may be unusual behavior for most, but for those unfamiliar with my world, we all enjoy one another immensely! So, as I had said, this evening "concert of sorts"~~ It's not a rock concert, nor any symphonic event... but Garrison Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion! Not impressed? Ahhh, come on!
Didn't you grow up with earthy, intellectual-type parents (mine, although truly capable of pure silliness, often behaved older than there were) listened to and read and enthusiastically enjoyed the wry sarcasm of Garrison Keillor and Lake Wobegon? As a child, forced to either listen in the car on the radio or in the kitchen, via purchased tape cassette recordings, didn't you ever feign "oh the torture," to not only catch yourself listening intently, but also laughing - like I did? Did you "grow up" on Keillor? No? Well, I did and I liked it. In fact, I love Garrison Keillor so much, when I took "Regional Creative Writing" in H.S. for a year, for one entire semester, we were asked to mimic the writing style of a notable Midwestern/Regional author of our choice, and I chose Keillor - - and I did well at it! WHAT?!? Doesn't sound like raging fun? Well, I haven't mentioned this too recently, but I'll say it again: I'm a self-proclaimed nerd. Anyhow, AN IMPORTANT NOTE Re: Regional Creative Writing in H.S.: I got an A each semester and became my favorite (can you say, "HOTTIE?") H.S. teacher, Mr. Pudz's teaching assistant via that class. ANOTHER NOTE: "Mr. Pudz" was not his name - that's an abbreviation. His real name is crazier, but in case the man ever Googles his own name on occasion, I won't reveal it. Although I must admit, I'm sure it wouldn't shock him (or cause concern) to discover I had had a crush on him (how the hell could he have not known!?!)!
Have a good weekend, everyone!
If you like my stuff and use it, be a sweetie and gimme' credit where due - No stealin' k? This site is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 2.5 License