Hooray for the Cranberry Fluff!

This first pic (at least I think it will be shown first?) shows my "most favoritest" (as my honey-man's angel boy-O would say) spot to be found in my parents' home = "the kitchen nook." Although I spent only one full H.S. year in the house they now live in, I have always enjoyed sitting at this table, eating my morning cereal in the morning light that comes in from those windows.


The 2nd shot, I took just because I thought it was so funny - "Prize of Iowa" butter?!? I also think my family believes I'm nuts... "You're taking a picture of the butter" - spoken more so as a statement, stupified, rather than voiced as a question to clarify one's confusion.

3rd, the most coveted Cranberry Fluff (my recipe link HERE). I begged - more like insisted - that we make a double batch of this stuff. Do you know how much Cranberry Fluff that makes? Not enough. I LOVE it and it was ALLLL gone by Saturday!?! NOTE: No Jello product of any kind is to be included in its ingredients; thus, although it does include mini-marshmallows and Cool Whip, it does not meet full Mormon salad standards.


The next pic - what do you think it is - ??? The first time my father saw it, he immediately likened its appearance to that of a giant-scale training bra. My father simply likes to call things as they are... Honestly, it's a picture of the middle school I went to when we first moved to Iowa in '87. Lovely, eh? My father has said he believes the structural engineers and architechs who designed and ultimately built the school first got together and drew up the building plans to mimic breasts, just to see and test out whether or not the school district would approve or deny the concept. Cedar Rapids has another middle school building built the very same way... EVERYONE thinks of them as the boobie schools. And those who don't, just won't admit it.

Red was our Turkey Day's theme color ~ a lovely lil' red rose arrangement made by my step-mum. Martha Stewart should look out, I'm tellin' ya.



The Viagra ~this is NOT a close-up shot, but rather, a picture of a mighty large paperweight that can be found on my father's desk in his home office, given to him by his best-friend, Don, for my father's 50th birthday. Is that not hysterical? Tell me, is it not?

And Grant Wood's American Gothic came to town - see the article for details in pic itself = enough said.



One evening, the setting sun looked as though it were a little ball of fire just hanging around, out in the back woods behind my parents' home... the picture doesn't do the moment justice. I knew it wouldn't, but I had to at least try.



And the last pic -but not least- my parents' nifty, quite purty, pre-lit Chrimpus tree! Easy as 1-2-3!

Oink Oink!

Soon to come - some Turkey Day pics...

Gobble Gobble!

HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYBODY! - except the turkeys... I'm gunna go now and have me some Cranberry "Fluff" salad - mmmm...

MMMWAH! Big Kisses!

A Memory Sparked by Mihow

In 1987 at the age of 12, from a vending machine I bought myself a package of Ding-Dongs. This was not a common childhood practice for me then and remains a HUGE rarity today - I've never liked to purchase/consume plastic wrapped confections that have an expiration date/shelf life more than 1 week away from the time of purchase. Back to my story... with Ding-Dongs in hand, I then realized, "I can't possibly eat even one bite of these without some cold milk!" So I bought myself a carton of milk from a neighboring vending machine. Note: Up until this point, I loved milk. Soooo, Ding-Dongs in one hand, cold milk carton in the other, I took a big, big bite of Ding-Dong and then a big swig of milk to discover, to my ABSOLUTE HORROR, the milk was CHUNKY!?!? Out from my mouth I spewed partially chewed Ding-Dong and CHUNKY milk, everywhere! EVERYWHERE. The milk carton was dropped and its chunky contents spread across the tile flooring for everyone to see and smell the milk gone horribly sour. I then laughed so hard I made myself sick - those who were with me at the time it happened still mention the incident today.

For the record: Never again have I bought a carton of milk or a container of milk of any kind, shape or size from a vending machine of any kind ever since.

SPF ~ Past, Present & Future

Okay, I said Sunday, but it's Monday...

This one has been really hard for me - everything I've thought of is either ridiculously trite or way toooo serious. Last night over dinner, I told my honey-man (a sweet, most tolerant supporter of my blogging) that I was having a really hard time with this past week's SPF... Initially, it was just a matter of me not being able to make up my mind as to what would be appropriate, but as of last Thursday, it's been difficult to keep anything in the proper perspective.
Earlier today I was told that I've tested positive for the presence of pre-cancerous cells found in/on my cervix. Not at all as bad as it could have been -"pre" is certainly better than "malignant"- but it was not at all what I wanted to hear. A few weeks ago I went in for my annual OBGYN visit and a rather plump polyp about the size of half my pinkie finger was found and removed on the spot. I was told that tests would be done in the following week and I wouldn't hear from the office unless something was wrong. This past Thursday while at work, I received a call and as I was told, "This is so-n-so from Dr. ______'s office. Your results from your last visit were abnormal [pap results vs. the polyp was not distinguished at the time of the call] and we need to have you come in next week if possible for a whatever-she-called-it biopsy series." My stomach immediately flew up in my throat and all I could think was "oh shit." Last Friday, my then present condition could only be described as "calmly floating along, yet slightly preoccupied." Why get upset when I don't really know what's going on? Right?
Considering my mother's health history, my own health has always been a subject of concern for my family, both immediate and extended. Turns out the polyp that was removed was found to be benign - very happy news. The additional biopsy samples collected today should provide more conclusive information as to whether or not whatever else that was found is considered "low-risk" or "high-risk," but I won't know until my follow up two weeks from now. Sure, the chances that I've got something seriously wrong/high-risk are low, but chances are chances and in my life's experience, things don't always work out how we'd like them too. This reality has apparently sunk in for me, despite all my efforts to not get upset or jump to any conclusions I really don't know or yet have... I had a dream the other night that I had to have a hysterectomy. Just a dream, but a disturbing one at that. My past, my present and my future all just seem fuzzy right now. I'm preoccupied is all - everything seems to be a bit on hold until I know more.

Stuff Portrait Friday - gunna wait 'til Sunday

I am drowning in class papers and the like - I really want to participate in this latest SPF, but it'll hafta wait until tomorrow...unless you'd want to see my old toothbrush, now a fish filter cleaner (my past), my current toothbrush (my present) and one yet to be used, in its packaging still (my future). No? Then hopefullly I can post something else tomorrow.

Self-Portrait Day!

These absolutely crazy shades belong to my friend, Daly (pronounced like "Dolly" - NOT "Daily" - she came to the U.S. from Thailand when she was 5 yrs old). Daly looks great in 'em, but I think that I only look like a bug to be squashed!!! I couldn't look at myself in the visor mirror without losin' it - gotta admit, looks pretty funny, eh?

Some Random Thoughts on Thai Food

I made a curry dish over the weekend - and I gotta ask, if it can stain a white, hard nylon mixing spoon a bright DAYGLOW yellow and my fingers too for days to come, what does it do to my digestive track?

And has there always been broccoli in Thailand for the making of Pad See Ewe? when did Thailand acquire broccoli?

If my eyes are watering and my forehead and the back of my neck are perspiring profusely, and my sinuses are flowing like a river, how can the dish I'm eating be considered, "oh so very mild, Miss" - ?!?

It's hard to imagine peanut fields in Thailand.

How many times must I insist, "No. I DO too want Pad Tai!"

What the hell is a Mungbean?

Did you know traditional Thai food is not to be eaten with chopsticks?

Stuff Portrait Friday

Once again, according to Kristine - this Friday's theme, "Show Me the Money."

#1 The Last Thing I Bought for Myself: Dryer Sheets - no joke. Fabric softness has always been considered a luxury item for me. We're talking about a girl who NEVER bought this kind of stuff, including liquid fabric softener (heaven's no!) until only last year... Off to college in '93, before my parents happily left me to my new prison cell, I mean my new apartment-style dorm in Rexburg, ID (suddenly itching as I recall the day), my step-mum was so kind as to start me off with the proper, needed away-from-home products: Shampoo, Conditioner, a couple bars of Dial soap, a bottle of Laundry Detergent, a can of Spray Starch for ironing (to this day, I STILL have this very same can of starch, as I refuse to even buy clothing that requires ironing), and one box of dryer sheets, among other things. That box of dryer sheets kicked around with me as I moved from place to place over the following 5 years. Yes, it took me 5 years to use one box of dryer sheets, reserving the said product for only static-prone dryer loads. See, I had been told (and it's true) that fabric softeners wear out yer threads. People, I'm the kind of person who has and still wears clothes from high school, with a couple exceptions. Plus, I'm a total cheap skate and have in the past refused to PAY for a product that will only help me wear out my own clothes... BUHT I discovered the yummy delight of SOFT BEDSHEETS, fragranced with Vanilla Lavendar no less, thanks to my old roomie, Seorin. I love the stuff now, although I must confess, the bath towels I've had since I had been married (circa 1997) are now starting to show their age, thanks to a year's worth of avid liquid fabric softener use. Honestly, I'm trying to now curb my use of liquid fabric softener. Yes, NO need to tell me, thanks = I'm a total nerd and I know it (as Hall & Oates blares in the background while I type).
#2 The Last Thing Someone Bought Me: My most considerate, sweetest and most adorable honey of a honey-man found this book and bought me my own copy. His faith in me and the support he gives me is enough to make a woman feel she can conquer the world, I tell ya - although paying my bills and establishing a college fund and a nice retirement plan is really enough for me. Regardless, there are things I do well and he knows it and won't let me forget it and I love him for it. Thanks baby! I can't wait for a good holiday break, so I can read this!
Also, I must mention my parents were recently here in LV for a little visit and the spoiling was ridiculous. From Shu Uemura mascara (oh my gosh, it's amazing stuff) to tickets for Hall and Oates. Most importantly though, it was great to see them and spend time with them both. Big hugs!

# 3 My wallet, of sorts: Not the typical leather or nylon product, eh? I saw this in a Sky Mall catalog when flying home from a San Francisco trip, just before going on a trip to New York. I got home, got online and ordered one as a pre-NY gift for myself. I love metal etching and thought it'd be nice and compact, see? And I love metal etchings - did I mention this already? I really hate purses (although you'd never know judging byhow many I do have - most were gifts...
NOTE to Friends & Family: No more purses, PUHLEEZE!

Self-Portrait Day

First, Last and couple Currents

FIRSTS

First best friend: Dylan - I was 3 years old? I totally remember him, but have no recollection of his last name - not sure if I ever knew it. That's one of the things I'd ask my mum if she were here still.
First Car: 1987 Oldsmobile, Delta 88 - an automatic, beige/tan, 4-door with one big front seat (no bucket seats) - my friends called it the "Fudmobile." It had a great stereo, four wheels and it ran = good enough for me.
First kiss: Heck, does kissing tag in preschool count? First real kiss: Jason Williams, although I shoved him about 10 feet away from me when he tried to stick his tongue down my throat. At the time, it was a major 'YUCK.'
First makeout: Andy Neal - naughty, naughty
First big trip: Age 6, Disneyland! Sea World & The San Diego Zoo
First flight: Um, not sure... sometime before I was 8 years old, I think. Another thing my mum would know.
First time skiing/snowboarding: Age 8
First concert: My first official concert was some raggae group in 1981? Another thing my mum would know.
First Alcoholic Drink: I was at a Peter, Paul and Mary concert in Park City, UT. During an intermission, my aunt Sarah (less than 2 yrs my senior) and I approached this groovin' guy w/ a big, fat humungous fro, who was standing behind a table laden with lil' white paper Dixie cups. He chuckled and shook his head casually as we each took a cup of what we thought was water - it was white wine. Post gulp, I think the spray I then choked and spewed forth was comparable to the breadth of a fine-mist lawn sprinkler... We both ran, sprinting toward a water fountain to spit and rinse, spit and rinse and repeat.
First ticket violation: Driving 75 mph in a 55 zone, on my way to my aunt Brenda's for a french toast breakfast (la-la-la-love french toast) before leaving town for a white-H20 rafting trip on the Snake River in Jackson Hole, WY.
First job: I had a regular babysitting job, watching Jordan, Taylor and Landon, off of Laird Ave. in SLC, UT - I was 10 years old. I wish I could remember my hourly rate. And today, I can't imagine letting a 10 year old babysit even ONE child w/o adult supervision.
First date: Technically, it was my father on my 16th birthday - now wait, don't get all weird on me. I wasn't allowed to date until I turned 16 - while my family was organizing a surprise party back at the house, my father took me out for pizza and a movie, Edward Scissorhands.

LASTS

Last car ride: What kind of "ride" are we talkin about here - ? I drove home from dinner with my honey-man before he hit the road back to L.A.
Last kiss: my honey-man
Last time you cried: Yesterday, when I made myself sit through 5 whole minutes of Jerry Springer.
Last movie watched: Yojimbo by Kira Kurosawa (sp?!?)
Last food you ate: a yogurt - peach.
Last love: Last? meaning "ex" - ? No comment.
Last temptation: mah honey-man, while standing in the Starbucks line with he and my father
Last item bought: gasoline
Last annoyance: The discovery that my cell phone was inexplicably dead this morning, after charging it just yesterday
Last time wanting to die: oh, hell - what kind of question is this?
Last alcoholic drink: a mohito at Spago's with the parents and my honey-man, last Sunday night
Last concert: Daryl Hall & John Oates ~ woo-hoo!
Last phone call: my honey-man letting me know he just got on the south Glendale #2-hwy
Last friend you added on MYSPACE: I refuse to participate.

CURRENTS

Current Best Friend(s): I have wonderful friends and I can't really name any one over another - I won't do it.
Current Car: mah new Matrix
Current love: romantic? hmmm...I'll have to think about that one (juhsst kidding baby!)
Current drink: Tension Tammer by Celestial Seasonings
Current activity: Right now or lately? running around like a crazy person and writing papers
Current annoyance: Daylight Savings - winter hours suck! it shouldn't be dark already when I get off at work at 5pm!?! It's depressing.
Current mood: Can "tired" be considered a mood?

"Your Kiss is on My List"

This is the lid to my sour cream container - the first time I bought "Daisy" brand sour cream, it was on sale. I now continue buying the Daisy brand so I can read the lid.
The bowl in the background happens to be Doc Ern's Daddy's Chili recipe - we (me and mah honey-man) so, so, so love it.

This is my substitute for once again failing to participate in Stuff Portrait Friday ~ I've got my parents in town this week - between work and classes at night and meeting up with them after class, getting home around midnight or later? I just haven't had time this week for SPD or SPF (or much homework either = uh-oh). I'll play for sure next week though.
Tomorrow night I'm going to go see Daryl Hall & John Oates - I have no shame in this whatsoever. Since my father confirmed he had scored us tickets, "Your Kiss is on My List" has been happily playing in my head, interspersed with "Maneater" (one word, not two) and "Rich Girl." I can't wait!
Have a good weekend! toodles!

Oatie? oh Ooohhen?

As I've mentioned earlier, I was in LA over the past weekend for 4.5 days, and I don't believe I mentioned this, but I had brought the boys with me ~ Otis & Owen. One day, coming home from an outing back to my honey-man's place, I walked up to one of my honey-man's open windows and called for the boys...


Otis came out from beneath a table, stretching and yawning and perked up at the sight of me peering in at him from the window - he quickly trotted over, his soft, fuzzy belly fat swinging gently beneath him from side to side, meowing urgently - "Hey, what are you doing out there! are you okay? !" Owen then dropped "from the sky," where he had been up in the angel boy-O's loftbed, apparently napping. The mewwing in unison that then ensued was just so damn cute, I about melted - so, I ran off from the window so I could go inside and cuddle and maul the two fuzzy babies. In the first pic, I think when they saw me whip out the camera, they knew I was useless to them, so they turned their attention to my honey-man instead.

Happy Halloween!

Had a wonderful, wonderful weekend in the City of Angels with my honey-man and his sweet angel boy-O... just stinks that we had to head back to Sin City before Halloween night, but we both had work today and I have class tonight- yes, class on Halloween night - !?! If you're wondering how I can complain, as if everything should stop just because of Halloween night, well YEAH! I've been spoiled you see. Nevada-state employees are given time off each year for "Nevada Day," which usually falls on Halloween, coincidentally. Right. This year, our Nevada Day was granted last Friday, the 28th - trust me, I'm not the only one bitchin' about this.

To make matters worse, I had to interview two applicants today for a vacancy in my office, so I couldn't do the usual Halloween make-up display either - Well, I could have, but I didn't want potential employees to feel immediately apprehensive about working for me before they're ever even offered the job. I thought I'd paint-up after my interviews were final, but my Popa-sahn is in town and we have dinner plans with him tonight after class at Mon Ami Gabi (yummmm). Yes, technically, I am a grown adult, BUHT I'm pouting nonetheless - dammit, darned adult responsibilities! it's HALLOWEEN!?! At what other time of the year do I ever have a perfectly legitimate excuse to paint my face and act like a goon all day long?
Tell me.

Otherwise, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Click on the punkies image for a larger view ~

How About a Tasty Lil' Turd?

Click on images for a larger view (if you dare):

Yup, I made it all by myself = Kitty Litter Cake. Thanks MRTL ~ Unfortunately, it looked so real (and I didn't even use a real litter box) and soooo unappetizing, we couldn't make ourselves eat it. Yeah, although it was really quite yummy, psychologically, we just couldn't handle it. My friend Daly tried making one of her own, and served her cake at a party over the past weekend...

Kiss my Flames!

Thanks to the most awesome CircusKelli, check out mah new wheels!
I'm a bad ass now, baby ~ hoo-wah! (<--think Al Pacino there)

(imagine fits of giggling when I first opened the attachment she had sent me)

?#%*!?@! Blogger

I have tried allllll throughout the day to post/share a most kick ass "item" given to me by the lovely CircusKelli ~ I cannot yet reveal the nature of the item, other than to say, it's "hot" = flamin' hot! Dammit, Blogger! whass wrong wit'chew, Bitch?

Okay, CORRECTION: My honey-man has been working on www.annejelynn.com and had had my blog on some FTP server, which wasn't ready for me to try posting...it was just so easy to blame it all on Blogger.

Blogger-my dear - I apologize for my earlier tantrum, even if you're a bitch (really, how can I complain? Blogger is free!!?!)

Stuff Portrait Friday!

AGAIN, according to Kristine ~

#1 A Tacky Vacation Photo: Alrighty~ at the time this photo was taken -maybe 2003- I was already living in the great, big City of Sin, but it was a visit/vacation for my mum's family at the time. This is an automated photo taken at the very beginning of the "Big Shot" ride at the top of the Stratosphere. I cannot count how many times I have ridden this ride! I absolutely love it. The Maliboomer (sp?) at Disneyland's California Park does NOT compare. Big Shot totally rocks. See the two freaked out fellas in the center? These clowns are my two most shameless, most extroverted, very loudest cousins, Kyle (left) and Emmett (right). I have placed their faces online without any worry whatsoever that either of them would be the least bit perturbed because, well, they're utterly shameless and the both of them love attention. The smiley face guy was a friend of Emmett's and I don't know him well enough to plaster his "OMG" face online for all to see.


#2 Something My Honey-man's Angel Boy-O made for me: This lil' drawing has been on my fridge door for nearly a year now. I have a few other drawings from the angel boy-O, but this one is my favorite because I'm the green figure holding the yellow one's hand - and the yellow one is supposed to be him. Now ain't that sweet?


#3 My Hairbrushes: My honey-man very recently made a comment that I use quite a big hairbrush. Have you seen my hair? Unfortunately, I probably don't use this brush or the various combs/piks as much as I should.

SPD - Mah "new to me" Matrix

Meet my new car - "Stay Puft II"
Now, it's not brand, brand new, yet it's new for me! woo-hoo!

I refuse to buy a brand new car - been there, done that = bad deal. Why buy something that INSTANTLY depreciates by a couple $ grand once you've simply driven it off the lot?!? Tell me how it makes sense to owe more on something than it's worth the very same day it becomes yours? Unless you have a righteous cash flow, so be it, but not me!

Anyhwhoo, mah "new" Matrix is a 2003, blue book value $14,300. I bought it for $12K. I'm good, I tell ya. Good. It's not a fancy pants model - no moonroof or alloy wheels. No foglights. It has keyless entry, automatic w/ cruise control (which should save me an average of $160/year in speeding tickets), power locks and windows (although I favor manual windows) and the gas mileage is a decent 36 mpg on the highway - not great, but not bad. What do I love most about the Matrix? THE HATCHBACK! I love hatchbacks. LOVE 'EM.

Last weekend the Matrix and I introduced my honey-man to the wonderful world of "car camping."
"So, you wanna go car camping tonight?" I asked.
The look he gave me was priceless: one of those "okay, I love you, but you're officially nuts" kinds of looks. So, what's car camping? Well, duh - camping in the car - simple as that! After first enjoying a drive around Lake Mead and a lil' tour of Boulder City, we took the Matrix to Saddle Cove back at the lake and parked in a remote spot a mere 20 feet from the water lapping on the lake shore. The back end of the car was facing east, with the hatch open so we could look out over the water and watch the sunrise in the AM. The moon was full that night and we walked around the water's edge without flashlights. It was so quiet and peaceful - so relaxing. The night temperature was perfect - cool, yet not cold. We folded the back seats down, laid out a poofy comforter covered by a fitted sheet (was a perfect fit) and zipped two matching sleeping bags together and laid down to sleep - yeah, heh, heh - no really! We slept with the hatch up all night, and no, our feet weren't hanging out the back - I'm 5'6" and my honey-man's 5'10" tall. And the Sunrise? absolutely picturesque and all we had to do was lay there and look out the back. We also saw two cranes and 2 mildly simmering "boils" of fish feeding on the morning bugs. Speaking of bugs, we were fine despite being so close to the water. It was just grrrreat! We took our time waking up and once we cleaned up "camp," we went to the Las Vegas Marina to have breakfast at their lil' diner. It was so fun.

So what happened to my wonderful Toyota Echo - ?
My honey-man is now driving it ~ a WONDEFUL commuter car with 43 mpg on the highway! His previous car, although equally cute, really considered downright sexy, was unfortunately quite impractical all the same - a 2 seater Miata convertible, black. So no more Miata; he's crusin' in the Stay Puft now. Sure, it's not exactly a manly car, definitely not powerful, but it's a SMART car. Very smart. The angel boy-O loves it too.

This shot is my reflection in one of the Matrix windows. Yay!

"Jail for Kids" AKA High School

EDIT NOW LISTED AT THE END:
I haven't beefed up my iTunes at work in a while and I've been getting sick of its current rotation - not more than an hour ago, it dawned on me that I hadn't used my Yahoo Music Launchcast in months. Happily, I tuned to "Annejelynn's Station" and prepared myself for a delightful, totally random mix to be taken from the artists and music genres I'd specified in my preferences. The first song that played was "Ask Me" from The Smiths! and I was immediately hurtled back into my adolescent years! WHAT.A.HORRIBLE.FEELING; a total mish-mash of emotions, all quite strong and a tad bit overwhelming, yet can easily be summed up by a deeeeep-quiet-guttural groan. I'm tellin' ya, NO ONE could pay me enuff to re-live high school. I'd rather return to BYU (coughing - gagging now - pardon me - clearing my throat) in a cold heartbeat than go through high school again. Now, don't' get me wrong, it wasn't really that bad - nothing truly traumatic happened to me in high school - but, I only say this because I know without a doubt that it could have been so-so-so-so-sooooo much worse... I still don't think my parents realize how true this last statement is. It was no walk in the park for them, but it could have been BAAHHHD - really bad.

In H.S., I was known as a very smiley girl, often teased about my squinty, disappearing eyes. I was easily amused (still am) and I laughed a lot (still do) and was friendly to most anyone (no change there) and very anti-cliques (definitely no change there either). I had myself a wide variety of different friends/acquaintances (still do). Those I considered my true friends, most which were seen as artistic eccentric types (still are), were few and far between (now spread about across several state lines). After my freshman year, thoroughly disgusted by clothing brand obsessions (still hate 'em) and the never-ending quest to look cool, yet cute and attractive for people I didn't care about (and still don't), I wore a pair of blue-tinted "John Lennon" style shades, my mother's navy, wool peacoat, began sewing most of my own clothes and donned boy's Wrangler jeans, much to my father's dismay. Consequently, an uncle gave me the nickname "F.C." for Flower Child. NOTE re: School ID Card: check out the eyebrows!? and I was plucking?!? The pic for this ID card was taken during my jr. year, although issued for my senior year ID.

Most teachers either loved and adored me or I was hated = I was a subtle (very subtle) smart ass... Frankly, I believe some teachers found me entertaining while others, I feel, just didn't appreciate the challenge. Moreover, I was seen as a teacher's pet by some, although in each case it was genuine on my part. I worked a couple semesters as a TA for two of my favorite teachers. I often registered for "Advanced Placement" classes to avoid total boredom, although my parents argued against it until the day of my H.S. graduation. It's no coincidence that my most packed, chock-full year -that would be my sophomore year- was my best on record. Most of my H.S. activities revolved around pseudo-intellectual and creative studies: Jr. Achievement, Concert choir, Madrigals, women's chorus, Lincoln-Douglas debate club, Model UN, Amnesty International... I helped establish the school paper recycling program, dabbled a bit in the school newspaper and photography, and the school's annual poetry and lit publication, "The Plain Brown Wrapper." I also loved my pottery/ceramics classes. Outside of school, I was on the "Young Women's" church basketball team and participated in various church sponsored activities, including roadshows, youth conferences and summer camps. I spent a few summers playing tennis and volunteering as "Buffy," a Girl Scouts summer camp counselor. I also enjoyed private art lessons and spent many nights a week attending a ballet academy. I was busy, BUHT (and I got me a big butt) I wanted MORE - !?! - girls soccer team, swim team, theatre, MORE! NOTE: This desire I had for more activity has in the past tainted my memories of all that I did do/accomplish. Only when I finally made a list of all I had done, could I rightfully deny my previous feeling that "I didn't do anything in H.S." The accuracy of my memories were not helped in that by my mid-junior year, I had nearly given up on all of my activities except a few I could maintain while at school - stunted by the consequences of my own reckless behavior and resulting parental mistrust and parental complaints. Moving on to my point...

Whenever I see a group of teenagers, my inner self cringes to see them in their awfully awkward state. A rare few seem secure and remarkably well-adjusted, yet capricious, nonetheless, and utterly clueless as to who they really are and what lies ahead. Most look so painfully uncomfortable in their own skin; so desperate to be "cool" and well-liked; trying so hard to look as if they're not trying at all; acting all aloof, as if they don't care what anyone thinks, yet their world REVOLVES around fulfilling the expectations of some image they have in mind for themselves = usually an image that can't be attained without some self-harm of some kind. Who can blame them? High school, by no means does it serve to prepare kids for the real world... it's more like a disservice, just like teen magazines - that's a whole 'nother discussion though.

Knowing I will have to deal directly with teenager(s) someday, whether it be my own or my honey-man's angel boy-O, my heart just aches with hopes upon hopes that they will not fall down in such a way that it will negatively affect the rest of their adult lives. There's so much for them to face in this world that conflicts with what we try to teach to our kids, and despite all our best intentions to help and protect, to advise and admonish, we're bound to make some mistakes along the way, AND they will/should look for guidance from others beyond our reach and control. NOTE: The latter is GOOD and HEALTHY only if they choose to look to those who have their best interests at heart. Furthermore, I do NOT believe a parent should be a child's only source of wisdom and guidance = it's no good if kids cling to parental advice, unable to choose for themselves, unable to determine what they want for themselves, taking on only what the parents envision = either way, kids must find and make their own way.

Seeing teenagers struggle, it breaks my heart on a daily basis. There are a gazillion mixed messages being sent out to teens from all over. Although some may try to claim teenagers are the most fickle, superficial beings on this earth (I sooo beg to differ), teenagers are usually the most PASSIONATE when it comes to whatever they've choosen to value. Although they tend to be egocentric (tell me who isn't?), their strong-felt convictions are the very root of their energy and power, yet at the same time, the very reason life can be such hell for them. Almost every experience is the end-all, be-all of their existence; everything is crucial. Whether they see a light at the tunnel (life beyond H.S. graduation) or they live exclusively in the here-and-now with no thought to the long-term consequences of their actions, their sense of worth rides upon so many different things, things that mean the world to them.

I spent 4 years of my life as a "J.K.F. Cougar" at John F. Kennedy H.S. in Cedar Rapids, Iowa - I called it "Jail For Kids" and I couldn't wait to get out. For me, my adolescence amounted to a great deal of painful confusion and self-loathing. And of course, these feelings carried over into my undergraduate years... blak. And after my divorce? "Damaged" doesn't begin to explain it. I don't imagine things will be the same for my honey-man's angel boy-O, thank the heavens that be. I hope he will instead have a healthy sense of self, independent of those who love him, yet well grounded in our love for him. It will be so important for him in his efforts to successfully deal with the daily challenges and lifetime decisions ahead of him. Clear, consistent communication will be key to help him. I have my fingers crossed.

EDIT FOR CLARIFICATION WITHOUT GOING INTO SIGNIFICANT DETAIL: I hated high school not just because it was high school, plagued by superficial popularity contests, cliques n' fakers and 2-faced kids, etc. Most of my friends who knew me back then, said then and even now that I'm one of those people who thinks about everything too much. Honestly, I had a lot on my mind in high school - most of it involved everyday family dynamics rooted in DEEP, PAINFUL family issues revolving around the death of my mother and my own personal struggles with the Mormon church. That's the OVERLY oversimplied explanation.