Monday, July 11, 2005

"Female Malfunction" - or - "PMS"

I feel the size of a friggin' whale, a rather large, big, enormous and fat whale, bloated by major water retention. My legs are swollen and my feet are a nice bluish gray bratwurst color. My insides feel as though I'm gettin' repeatedly punched in the gut over and over again. My head is raging, eye sockets sinking into the back of my head, eyes painfully sensitive to the light.

Someone please knock me out and wake me when the week is over. I'd really appreciate it. Midol can only do so much.

5 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I am right there with ya, sistah. Pass the industrial strength midol my way also.

Amy said...

Oh hon, the bratwurst feet!

Big telepathic knock out hug to you.
Wait! Am I too late!
Okay then big telepathic retroactive hug to you.

Effie said...

Oh--I feel ya--here's a virtual chocolate cake to munch on--the sugar in that sucker will knock you out for a day at least, til the worst of it is over I hope!

Let's watch a sappy chick flick and not do anything, 'K?!

Mossy Stone said...

My wife often begs me to rip out her uterus, but I don't think I could do it with just a steak knife and a staple gun.

Unknown said...

Sweatpants and ice cream anyone?