We'll 'C' This Thursday

Okay - - so, the latest now is this: Last Friday, I saw my OB at 11:30am and my cervix still hadn't dilated or softened or effaced or anything! Mind you, the baby 'dropped' 5 weeks ago -? My doc then told me that it could be likely my cervix may not 'ripen' as it should, and if that'd be the case, we'd be doing a cesarean later the following week.

I then reminded my OB we have a bit of a timing dilemma on our hands...

Now remember, the week before last, my OB had told me he wouldn't be letting us go beyond the 27th, and that we'd induce on the 27th if we were to go that long. At the time, over a week ago, I really didn't think it'd be an issue, because I truly believed this wee babe would be here well before then (I had told myself months ago that she'd come on the 20th), but she still ain't here.

So, yeah, our timing dilemma: The short of it is this: The angel boy-O is here for his spring break and the 27th is when he goes home to Burbank because he's got something going that weekend for which he has to return home.

So, I told my OB the following: 1) I agree going no longer than the 27th is a fine idea; and 2) I don't want to rush things nor force the matter before then if at all; but 3) I'm really hoping she'll just come on her own over the weekend, but 4) If we're going to find ourselves without a baby come Monday the 23rd, I wouldn't want to wait until Friday the 27th to either induce, nor to have a c-section, as that's the very day my step-son is to leave town. With tears welling up, I nearly full on burst into blubbering tears having to explain to my OB why the latter would be totally unacceptable, and why I'd be willing to forgo waiting things out for a natural birth, than to have him miss the arrival of his little sister. My OB then told me that with such short notice, scheduling a cesarean so soon may not be possible between his schedule and the hospital's. I told him I wouldn't want to do it after Tuesday the 24th, and he gave me a worried look and said he and his office would see what they could do and call me before the day's end... They called back by that afternoon: I'm now scheduled to arrive at the hospital this Thursday at 9am for a c-section at 11am.

Nonetheless, that last Friday ended with me telling myself --more like reassuring myself-- that something could still happen over the weekend, but then the weekend came and went and my heartburn mysteriously returned to what it'd been nearly 5 weeks ago... Well, this morning both my Grams and the angel boy-O went to the perinatal office with me for my last fetal monitoring appointment, and we found out why this is: #1, Her head is still downward, BUHHT her head is no longer in my pelvis = The baby is no longer engaged = She's left the birthing position altogether!?! Yup, hence, the now not-so-mysterious return of chronic heartburn. And #2, my contractions, as I'd suspected over the weekend, have reduced to an average of maybe 2-4 per hour is all, if I'm lucky, compared to the once consistent every 2-3 minutes I was experiencing for several hours at a time each day over the last couple weeks; neither discovery is a sign of anything good in terms of expectations for approaching labor.

SOME POSITIVE FETAL MONITORING NOTES THAT CAN'T NOT BE MENTIONED: My amniotic fluid levels were a 10.5, and the baby's heart rate and fetal movement were great, and the angel boy-O absolutely loved the monitoring, standing over the fetal monitor readout sheet the entire time, and the sonogram tech happily showed off the baby's face (now visible again since her head's out of my pelvis), and the tech also showed off her lil' hands and feetsies for my Grams and the boy-O's viewing delight.

Around 4pm today, I went to the OB's office to sign my consent forms for Thursday's c-section and to acknowledge all the inherent medical risks involved. As I read down though the list of potential risks and the various brief explanations for each, it finally came down upon me that there really is a greater chance we'll be having a cesarean this Thursday rather than a natural birth in the 2 days remaining before then. One of the nurses in my OB's office, Tanya, who's been handling me for the past 8 months, she had heard about the doctor's call for a cesarean and she told me she was sorry, knowing how I'd feel about it. The sympathy she offered and her heartfelt understanding had me shaking in my shoes when I stood to leave the room.

REALITY: I do know right now I'll soon have to refocus my thoughts and energy, and my overall expectations upon our ultimate goal, which is the safe arrival of our baby --no matter how she makes her arrival-- but since this afternoon, I've been riding a massive wave of disappointment.

Maybe I'll write more about it tomorrow, but at this very moment, after having spent the last hour reading the nitty-gritty on cesareans, as ALL my prior preparatory reading has focused foremost upon the how-to for a natural, drug-free vaginal birth, only touching upon the bare minimum basics of emergency c-sections, I'm too sad to go into the reasons why I am so sad and disappointed.