via the 'Getwell:)Network' Part II

So, there's more to this story and we've decided it should be shared - - too keep it in, it hurts too much...

Friday, July 10th, I took a home pregnancy test and the 'positive result line' appeared instantly. My visit to the E.R. was just a week after our surprising discovery - - sure, we'd been trying to get pregnant, but this was really our first time going by the dates and timing it all out, and well, we just were not expecting it to have worked our first time trying to really get pregnant. We were honestly expecting months of trying far ahead of us.

To date, I'm nearly 5 weeks along, having spent nearly the entirety of that nearly 5th week in the hospital. Because I'm pregnant, a lot of things that could have been done if otherwise, were not done. I found out yesterday, as we'd suspected, that since this all began, my HCG hormone levels have not been doubling as they should. By now, I should be approaching 6-digits, but I'm still under 10K, tested as 7800 last Thursday. There could be a lot of reasons for this considering lower back x-rays on July 3rd, and 5 days of muscle relaxers and pain killers, but it's believed that the last week's worth of high fevers (103.8 on Monday) have taken their toll upon this pregnancy. What all this means is that I do not have a healthy pregnancy and that unless something totally, absolutely, outrageously miraculous occurs very soon, I'll be having a miscarriage in the next week or so.

I have another sonogram scheduled for next Wednesday so we can see if the amniotic sac is still attached, etc. etc., but because of a high risk abnormal PAP result from July 8th, my doctor wants me in on August 1st for a colposcopy (my 2nd) and biopsies. If I have not miscarried by August 1st, and if my HCG levels have not miraculously bounced into a high gear between now and then, we'll be doing a DNC to end the pregnancy. Intellectually, I know this would be the best thing to do...

I know a lot of women who have miscarried, and I know it's a really common thing. For those who lose a pregnancy to miscarriage really late in the first trimester or early 2nd trimester, I have always felt great sympathy, after they've had time to really get excited, to have shared their news and imagined their baby to be. [NOTE OF CLARIFICATION: I've always believed that unless there's extenuating circumstances involved, losing a pregnancy is nothing short of tragic.] Anytime I'd hear about an early miscarriage though, like anything under 12 weeks, although I knew I was in no position to judge how emotionally some would respond to such an early loss, I always found myself feeling as though I clearly didn't understanding how upsetting it obviously was, thinking foremost that at least it had happened early if it had to happen... I would offer my heartfelt sympathy, seeing their pain, but I did not understand it - - I could not truly fathom it.

It hasn't even happened yet and I feel nothing short of 'devastated.'