It is amazing what the mind can do to one's proverbial heart and in turn, one's body... I'm really feeling the stress of things to come and this stress has begun to manifest itself physically, yet none of this stressful stuff is truly underway yet, hence, the "things to come" reference...
So what the heck am I talking about then? Well, as in "things to come": My current lease is not up yet. I'm not moving right now. I'm not defending my thesis right now. I'm not preparing for my MPA oral examinations right now. I'm not yet searching for my new California job. The only thing that has begun is my thesis research and our new apartment search. The thesis? I'm dealing with it. The apartment search? Although I had been getting a handle on my much needed attitude adjustment regarding the whole search biznessy in Cali, the apartment search has proven much more difficult, far beyond the initial issue of my oh-so lousy attitude, due to the fact that I don't yet have a job in Cali. So it seems, I must first have a job in Cali before I can be included on a lease in Los Angeles. So what this means is that what we had wanted to secure first - our new home - may come dead last in the order of things. This discovery changes our timeline of things drastically and it's a disrruptive change. Sure, we aren't yet in any position where we must face the disruptive consequences of this change just now - thankfully - but they'll come, like the rest of it will. And although I realize that I can't yet do anything about any of these changes to our timeline right now, I can't seem to muster the energy or the focus to contemplate what I could do now to compensate in any way. All I know is that my head hurts just sitting here. I shouldn't be upset, as there doesn't seem to be much I can do about it all right now. I also realize that stressing out over it will do absolutely no good - yet I feel terribly discouraged, as if already defeated (which is sooo so not the case - I know this). Moreover, my head hurts so badly that my vision is blurred. It's all in my head - this premature stressing out.
However, this all may be complications with P.M.S.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Ooh, that Smarts!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Sometimes I find that the waiting part is worse than the busy part of a transition. Because once you're into the move, you won't have as much time to worry. :)
I frequently find that my mind blows issues way out of proportion and even more so when Aunt Flo is just about to arrive. Deep breath, big drinkie-poo and one day at a time...
Pick one and focus on that. Sounds like the thesis and job search are primary here, and that getting a job-o will provide the necessary steps to accomplish new homo.
Deep breaths, reach for the chocolate and it will all work out.
Stuff has to happen in it's own time. So you guys have to make due in Honey-man's place for a while, inconvenient, but only for a while. You'll get it all over the finish line and find a great place. You've got a built in moving crew once you get here! Let that fact alone provide you some comfort.
xoRebecca
Post a Comment