"Payin' Out the Big Bucks!" or more appropriately, "Dealing with Decisions"

Our first mortgage payment is due next week and I've prepared my autopay settings for it to be automatically paid via my bank account each month. Who knew this would be so exciting?!?

Not ever, have I paid more than $500/month for my living space, and now, split between the two of us, I'll be paying $805... and I am sooo pleased! Our mortgage payment minus the home owner's assoc. fee and property tax is only $1405/month?!! I SO LOVE IT!

oh, and One more thing:
MY HONEY-MAN WILL BE HERE WITH HIS MOVING TRUCK TOMORROW!?!?
(semi-freaked out scream)

About THAT...
First of all, to get it out of the way, the semi-freaked out scream comes from the fact that my honey-man and I, we have never shared an address, let alone same-city addresses! For nearly 3 years now, our relationship has been based on his weekly commute to Vegas from L.A., and the frequency of my available 3-5 day 'weekends' spent in L.A... but I'm sure we'll be fine (although it's sure fun to joke about it!).

More seriously: Lots of different people have been asking me if I'm excited about my honey-man's move to Vegas, and I've gotten the general impression that most are quite disappointed with my response, in that most don't think I'm nearly half as excited as they think I should be. Some have flat out said so. In these exchanges, more often than not, I've found that I had remind people where we were when we first started out and where we were only 3 months ago: When I met my honey-man, I knew it then, I would have to move to Los Angeles, and once my MPA was done, I tried soooo hard to find a good job in L.A. so I could move there, so that we could avoid all this!!! And this then leads into my having to re-explain what it is I had been trying so hard to avoid: My honey-man's move to Vegas means that although he'll have much more time in his work week and far, far more stability, my honey-man will no longer have the kind of readily available, daily face-to-face access to his sweet son that he has so enjoyed for the last 3 and a half years = it is this glaring loss to come that causes such great pain.

As of tomorrow, we're entering the great unknown; we have no idea how this will all feel for us all, once the reality of this life-changing move sets in and some time has passed.

I told my honey-man today that I've been having a really diffiult time getting jazzed and a difficult time accepting my own good forture [no job change for me, our new home, us living in the same place, finally], regardless of any recent cheery blog posts re: my kitchen's yellow cafe-style drapes. For several weeks now, other than the day we had moved my stuff out of storage (I was literally jumping up and down that day), I've been unable to be really be happy without feeling guilty about it.

And today, thinking about all this and my developed sense of guilt, I realized something: If I don't let it go, and I allow it to overshadow everything that is going well in my life, IT WILL ALL BE A BIG, FAT WASTE - - and THAT would NOT help any of us, especially the angel boy-O.