Monday, August 24, 2009

Parenting Under Pr-Pr-Pr-Pressure

I haven't been able to write about this before now, cuz I've been trying reeealllly hard to keep my s*** together this morning. See, today's my baby's first day at daycare. We went to the open house for her classroom last Friday, which was immensely reassuring, but dang, this is a freakin' hard pill to swallow.

For the next month, before my part-time contract expires come the end of September, we'll be transitioning into this new 'baby-in-daycare' phase of our lives, meaning she'll only spend 1/2 her day at daycare, in the mornings. Her daddy's gunna drop her off around 8am and then I'll be picking her up between 11:30 and noontime. Shouldn't be too bad -right? We only have 5 weeks of this part-time arrangement though. Thereafter, it will be full-time daycare from then on, year round. This last statement makes me wanna bawl.

Arrgghhh... My stomach is in such topsy turvy knots!!! And she's not even there yet!

It feels wrong to have someone other than myself caring for my daughter for the majority of her day. I don't care how common it is or how many people have to do the very same thing and blah, blah, blah, whatever! It feels W-R-O-N-G! I've read countless books and I've read some of the actual research [yes, I've sought out and read some of the research journals written regarding the subject of daycare and how it affects a child's emotional and intellectual development], and I know she'll be technically fine, as will I, but I can't describe this raw and aching pain I feel in my gut and in my heart. It just hurts! Blak.

I'm hoping that come time for me to pick her up four hours fro now, I'll find a happy baby - - somehow though, I'm certain this will throw her for a loop. She'll be all wide-eyed and fascinated for the first couple hours, but by 11am, she'll be fried. We'll see. Details tomorrow.

1 comment:

Alicia said...

Hang in there girl!! Wasn't in that predicament when my kids were little, so can't say I know what you're going through. But I feel for you. Must be very tough. Know you're not alone though. I know many others that would love to be able to stay at home, but can't.
Need to comment on your other blog, but for now just wanted you to know I checked out the new pics and they are sooo cute!! Just want to squeeze her. She's a doll!!