My Imaginary Hernia

NOTE: I wrote this post the morning of Thurs. the 26th, but was feeling too frustrated to post it at the time. BE FOREWARNED: If you can't handle the mention of my bathroom habits and the words 'ovarian' and 'gynecological', don't bother reading this. Moreover, if you don't like lengthy, tedious, complaining posts, skip this one altogether.

Some interesting news came about yesterday... let me bore you with my ridiculous story:

My doctors office called me yesterday morning to kindly inform me of the several ovarian cysts visibly apparent in my CT scan results from last week, and before she went well into telling me I really should see my OBGYN for a follow-up and told her (again) about my problems, and she scheduled a sonogram, by which she later determined and verified my issues were not , I interrupted her to say it was okay, as I already know all about the many cysts, to which her response was to say, "You know about them?!?" I then explained that the month after my primary doctor had given me nothing but a daily laxative for the months' long pain I was experiencing, I went to see my gynecological and the report has been given to my Dr. already. Her curt reply in rapid succession was then a light, little "oh," with a solid "good," followed by a dismissive "alright then" and suddenly, "well, have a good day!" - click -

pre-surgery consultation I was to have later in the day... So I pick them up, and sitting in the parking lot in my parked car, I whip out the radiology report and read through a few lines of physio babble and various references to the number of and differing sizes of my ovarian cysts and the "pathological" measure of my liver density (excuse me? pathological?) and some more physio words I just don't know, and as I near the end of the report I see the following:

"No evidence of a fat or bowel hernia found."

Wait, huh!?! - - - What!? - - - WHAT THE!?!

And I read the whole thing again...

And then I call my doctor's office and I tell them really calmly and patiently that I'd been called just a little earlier to be told all about the ovarian cysts found in my CT scan results, a CAT scan that was meant to verify the existence of a femoral hernia, but that there was NO mentioned in the earlier call that there's no evidence of a hernia found, so, um, what am I supposed to do next, seeing I'm supposed to have a PRE-SURGERY consultation later today with the fellow who's meant to OPERATE on a now non-existent hernia? Has the appointment been cancelled already? or is there any reason for me to expected to keep the appointment still? Should it be cancelled? I would call them, but no one's ever given me more than an address for this appointment... Etc., etc... [SIDE NOTE: Now all this was said by me AFTER the receptionist had first brought up my appointment history, mind you. So, keep that in mind.]

I then have to explain the whole thing to another person, to be given back to the first, to then RE-explain my whole dilemma ALL OVER AGAIN, from start (that'd be December, when the pain began) to finish (determining if we need to cancel my freakin' pre-op consult!), to then be told I have to call and cancel my own pre-op consult, myself.

(Long pause on my part)

And I then say... rather politely without malice or jest, just happy to finally have THAT answer (was quite proud of myself for not flipping out at this point), but still baffled, nonetheless: "I would make the call, but the surgery consult appointment was made for me through an appointment service once I'd called in to verify the date of my CT appointment with Radiology, and I was never given any contact numbers for the pre-op consult, even when I'd asked for them, only told to call the general appointment line if I needed anything thereafter, and only today did I find out I'd already been assigned a surgeon, in talking with you, although I still don't know his name. Otherwise, all I have is an address... Can you not give me the phone number to call if I'm supposed to call and cancel my own appointment?"

(I then wait on hold for nearly 20 minutes)

And then? She's back and she's very apologetic, but she's now not sure if I'm the one who should call to cancel the appointment... and I am now furious with the lack of managerial organization in my doctor's office, but I remain calm.

And then? I wait on hold for another 20+ minutes, after which I'm finally given a phone number, told to cancel the appointment right away or I could be charged a penalty fee for a no-show. Lovely, eh?

And then I say: "What should I do after that? Is there anyone I should see next?" And dumbfounded, she asks me what for - ? She didn't know why I'd need to see anyone else - !?! Excuse me?

So, I actually have to point out that after 2 misdiagnoses, I still need an explanation for the pain and the issues I've been having, now that it's been deemed I don't have a hernia, after all, according to Radiology. She tried again to tell me I should see my OBGYN, although I'd already explained alllllll the aforementioned TWICE... She began to insist, telling me her own story, suffering from the pain of bursting ovarian cysts... At this point, I was finally losing my cool, and I wanted to stop her and scream "ARE YOU MY DOCTOR NOW?!?" So, not wanting to go into my gynecological history with this woman, I abruptly cut her off to ask her if she thought ovarian cysts were the cause of my inability to use the bathroom for more than a week, while taking daily prescriptive laxatives?

And then? Her response? - She told me she'd have to call me back, so she could find out what I should do next. I stopped her and asked her to please make an appointment for me to see my primary again and she interrupted, asking me what for... " Um, so I can get a referral to a real gastrointestinal specialist?"... She then insists she must call me back and I then insist that she set me up for an appoint now, before I find out later tomorrow or 3 days from now that that's what I must do anyhow, with a 2 months' out waiting time. She went ahead and made the appointment, but told me that she'd be calling me back anyhow...

I now have an appointment for next Wednesday, the 1st.

UPDATE, 7/31/07: I had my first unassisted poop yesterday = the first one in over 3 weeks' time! That's now a total of THREE times I've gone #2 in 3 weeks!?! Knowing this now, try to imagine how I've been feeling for the past 3 weeks, and especially now that it's been found that I don't have a hernia causing my problems - - now we have NO freakin' idea at all what's wrong! Fun stuff.