28 Days

We're officially scheduled for a c-section, June 11th at five-freakin'-A-M in the morning! As long as she doesn't make her grand entrance before that time, our Baby Nacho will have a birthdate of 06/11/12!

Spoken Too Soon

So last night, just TWO DAYS after I announce that we may have settled on a baby name, my honey-man tells me he's just not sold on (fill in the blank), and without that name, I'm not sold on his middle name choice, sooo we're back to the very start, square one, without a name for this baby.

We have 4 weeks to figure it out - - and we've been debating names for the last 6 months, and we're basically agreed upon nothing but the two names we've had, sooooo, I don't know what we're gunna come up with now!

Maybe the original name we first had in mind for the lil' Jellybean.... Niagara Mitochondria!

Needin' a Tear Jerking Trigger

Ever get so tired physically and emotionally, and so generally overwhelmed that you constantly feel like you're on the verge of tears, but you can't name exactly what's wrong, if anything at all really?  I just feel like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment.  If the right trigger presented itself, I'd be a puddle of tears. It might be hormonal, or maybe not, but that's how I've been feeling for the last 24 hours. 

I think I need a good cry.

We're in Agreement Now, well, Ahhlmost

BACKGROUND INFO:  I've had a particular baby name in mind for several months now.  I've tried on several other names --really, I have tried-- but I keep coming back to this particular name every time; frankly, nothing else has stuck for me.  Meanwhile, my honey-man, he has either revisited the very same names he had had in mind for the naming of our lil' Jellybean -all of which were, sadly, vehemently rejected the first time around- OR he's been consistently coming up with new, quite lovely French names - - names that, unfortunately, no American will be able to either spell or ever pronounce correctly.  There's this one name in particular that he's been repeating most frequently, that he keeps coming back to... it really is so lovely, and I do love it, I do, HOWEVER, I can't rightly say it myself, nor could I spell it without looking having to first look it up 3 and 4 times before the spelling finally stuck with me, but I still can't pronounce it correctly, although I love it whenever HE says it as it should be spoken.

MORE BACKGROUND: Earlier today, we were swimming in the pool together as a family and we have these two new floating lounger-type chair things for in the pool, one for the boy-O -and general adult use- and one for the girlie that was gifted to her for her 3rd birthday.  So, Jellybean was loving her new floating lounger, but insisted that she float right alongside me, holding on either to me or my lounger itself at all times.  Due to the close proximity and her placement, perpendicular to my belly most the time, she had a great view of my bulging pregnant belly (as long as she hadn't turned her head to look elsewhere).

SOME MORE BACKGROUND INFO: Earlier last week, one night just before her bedtime, our Jellybean was on our bed with me and she'd laid her darling sleepy head on my big belly and just then the baby began to repeatedly kicked right where Jellybean's head was resting, and so, for the first time ever, she reeeally felt and recognized the baby moving inside me. Before then, I'd hold her hand to my belly to have her feel baby-movements, but she really couldn't distinguish the baby's squirming from my own breathing or my own muscular movements caused by my laughing.  Well, since that night last week, I've found her often staring at my belly, watching for baby movements, and if and whenever she sees anything major, she'll whip a little dimpled hand over immediately, to be placed atop my belly, little dimpled fingers splayed, so that she can feel her baby sissy moving.

So today at the pool, Jellybean was watching my belly for baby actions, lunging for my belly in order for her to reach and place her little hand on my belly while floating alongside each other - - and each time she made a move to feel the baby, she kept calling the baby a to-be-given name, rather than the usual 'my baby sister', announcing to everyone there at the pool that she could feel "baby (fill in the blank)!" Hearing her refer to the movements of her unborn baby sister by any particular name, with her little hand placed so deliberately on my belly, it was a defining moment of sorts for me.

And so, later this afternoon, we finally had a conversation that may very well be the final wrap on the whole 'what to name this baby' dilemma.
 
As of today, the name that's stuck with me, plus the aforementioned gorgeous French name I cannot pronounce myself, they might be known together as our Baby Nacho's chosen name, first and middle, respectively ... Looking at what her monogram would be, a potential nickname would be 'Vroom, Vroom!'

Hiccups!

When I was pregnant with our lil' Jellybean, she had hiccups off and on, felt from the time I first was able to feel her move, up until she was due.  Well, I'd forgotten all about this... cuz this baby? If she's had the hiccups before now, it must have happened while I was sleeping... although, Jellybean's midnight hiccups woke me many a time!  And well, actually -and DUH!- it was not until last might, around MIDNIGHT, I realized Baby Nacho had the hiccups!

Why I Love Mah Honey-Man ~ Reason 78

Because as I was at our front door this morning about to leave for work, I was whistling a song that's been a major ear worm for me, stuck with it for the last 3 days in a row... and off somewhere in the back of our home, wherever my honey-man was, brushing our daughter's hair, he began to whistle as well, completing the next part of what I was whistling... how he recognized it, I don't know, and then to have actually known how to reply to my whistling with the song's own chorus melody, I have NO idea...

Who knew he was that familiar with Joan Jett's 'Do You Want To Touch.'  LOL

And how exactly did this song got stuck in my head, oh help me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XELpxApT8Kc

Found in a Notebook from 1994: At the Top

Found in a Notebook from 1994: Below the Top

Found in a Notebook from 1994: Written Behind all That

My New Favorite Quote: "Action Expresses Priorities" -Ghandi

This is fantastic: sometimes I wish that I had this kind of fearless confidence when I was younger

http://vimeo.com/40004005
 
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

New Apples on the Preschool Trees

New apples growing on the trees at our lil' girlie's school. She's thrilled outta he lil' mind!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

With Finality

Some background info:  We had Jellybean's 3rd birthday party on the 31st, and a mommie of one of her lil' classmates had come to the party despite the fact that she was due to have her baby that very day.  She told me how her first birth had been by cesarean and that she'd been told this second pregnancy would be a c-section as well due to her first.  Her doc's scheduled vacation wound up overlapping with her due date, so they had initially set a date for a scheduled c-section to happen the week before he was to leave town. She'd gone in as scheduled, was all dressed in her hospital gown, IV line in and everything, waiting only to be wheeled into surgery, and then she changed her mind and she said no thanks. She hadn't met her due date yet, and she told them that it felt altogether wrong, and sure, she knew she'd have to use a substitute doctor, but she was going to give her baby time to arrive on its own time. She left the hospital and she and her husband went home, and there she was still preggers a week later, and at our Jellybean's party on her due date. Three days after the party, the mommie had her baby and without a cesarean. And after seeing her up and about at Jellybean's school, just 4 days after giving birth, I was not only envious, I was hopeful; hopeful that I, too, might be able to pull off a post-cesarean vaginal birth (VBAC). In fact, by yesterday's scheduled appointment with my OB, I was not just hopeful, I was kinda fired up, ready with research and statistics handy, and various specific questions as to a repeat c-section versus his facilitating a non-surgical VBAC delivery. Admittedly now, it was kinda silly on my part. 

The Latest:  Well, my OB doc told me yesterday afternoon that it's not up to him and it's not up to me either, nor is the matter to be decided by what's most medically sound and/or safe for me and my baby.  With 100% certainty, due to my two hospital options determined by the limitations of my health insurance, I will be made to have a repeat c-section as official hospital rules for those who've already had a cesarean birth.

Although my OB had forewarned me months ago that due to my cesarean scar tissues I'd likely wind up having another cesarean, there was some wiggle room in our first few conversations on the matter, that we'd wait and see how it goes. The absolute finality of yesterday's news kinda slapped me backwards and it had me reliving the realities of my first cesarean, remembering with full detail how, um, awful my recovery was. Consequently, by 11pm last night, I wound up bawling like a baby for about an hour before finally going to sleep. And then I slept like total ca ca and had birthing nightmares all night long.

Ultimately, I simply want the wee one to get here safely - - but I would also like to be given the chance to immediately hold and kiss my baby, rather than be made to crane my neck to get a mere seconds' glimpse, and then wait over an hour to meet her. Yeah, and I don't want the bladder catheter re-insertions sans anesthetic, nor do I want the busy maternity nurses neglecting my meds less than 12 hours post-surgery, and then there's all the percocet -and feeling dopey- and the resulting chronic constipation, nor do I want any of the swollen, oozing, on-fire and peeling allergic skin reactions to the glue of the steri-strips across my already tender incision. Oh, and I reeeally could go without the 'blood patch' to fix my spinal block headaches. Well, and yeah, I could do without those headaches, period. I'd also like to be able to hold/lift/carry my toddler, and to clean my own home, and to do my own grocery shopping, rather than have to wait 6-8 weeks before I'll be able to do any of that. It also hit me incredibly hard like a gut punch last night that I do not want the chronic pain caused by healing scar tissue, limiting my activity for nearly a year --whether I'm to fight a post-pregnancy libido flatline or not.  I want to be able to hit the ground running after this pregnancy, and I've essentially been told that will be a no-go. Yes, it ALL came flooding back to me last night and I totally lost it.
 

I know, bitch, bitch, bitch, and pouty-pout, pout about it, I know, I know... IT COULD ALWAYS BE WAY, WAY, WAY WORSE. I know. I do know.

I've been telling people for months now, openly and without complaint, that I'll likely have to have another c-section, and I'd been acting like it's all fine with me and I'd thought I was in a state of acceptance already. Then we had Jellybean's birthday party....  I hadn't realized how much I'd been hoping there was chance, no matter how slim, that I might get to delivery our baby myself.

Now that I've been told there's no way it will happen, and with such finality at that, I am really feeling it. So I'm spending the next 24 to 48 hours to get over it (like the first time I was told Jellybean would have to arrive via c-section), and thereafter, I'll accept it as truth, and 8 weeks from now I'll happily welcome our new baby into our world, and I'll grit my teeth, even post-cesarean.

Why I Love Mah Honey-Man ~ Reason 77

Because we get up this morning, and before the Jellybean has woken up, he's already in the bathroom, and as he's brushing his teeth, he very casually, sleepily -with toothpaste in his mouth, no less- he asks me:  "That video with that guy and that girl, have you seen it?"

Long pause - - me expecting him to laugh or make reference to that scene in Oceans Eleven about "the thing with that guy in the place, I'll never forget it."  And him, turning to look at me, waiting for my reply....

WHAT?! THAT video with THAT guy and THAT girl - - ?!? and have I seen it? He sent me into such a crazy tummy-crunching, contraction-inducing giggle fit - - really? That guy? and that girl?

Turns out he was referring to the very popular song/video, "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Goyte, and he was aiming to tell me he had both that song and Feist's Sesame Street version of '1-2-3-4' stuck in his head for the last 48 hours.  And he wasn't fully awake yet.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Why I Love Mah Honey-Man ~ Reason 76

The man has a necktie with eggplants on it.

Emailed to Mah Honey-Man Today

Subject Line:  With alllll your abundant freetime, I want you to take this test

Text:  http://test.personality-project.org/

How About this Curveball?

How does a total move-out party sound, just one month after we moved in, due to the owner's tile installation building violations? Every inch of our rental is tile flooring and they have "30 days to remedy/remove/reinstall the tile" - we'll see how this one pans out. Joy, oh joy!

Most Awesome 'Awesome'

Just found this via PostSecret... and so I must share:

  http://1000awesomethings.com/

Why I Love Mah Honey-Man ~ Reason 75

Because he loves our lil' Jellybean so much, but he's also honest about his own needs just the same.

Our lil' Jellybean's preschool always closes for our 'spring break,' which would be FABULOUS if we didn't both have to work throughout the entire length of spring break, but we do both have to work. 

And so, for the past 3 years now, every 'spring break' has always been more of a difficulty than anything truly fun or relaxing like a 'break' or vacation; us having to juggle our two work schedules, me taking a couple days leave time off from work despite the need to work, me bringing her to my office for a morning and/or an afternoon, passing our lil' Jellybean over to willing and able friends, hiring a babysitter for a day or two, and my honey-man often staying home with the girlie, thereby, unable to get any work done. It's always a bit challenging and we do get it done, but by the break's end, we're utterly exhausted and so is she.

She returned to school this morning and after my honey-man had dropped her off, he called me... 

Taking her to her classroom and seeing her teacher, he said he was nearly brought to tears.  At first I totally misunderstood him - - ahhh, how sweet, her daddy sad to return his little girl to school.

And then he continued....

He's finally going to have a full, productive day at work for the first time in over a week!

"Zee Things She Sayzz" or "Happy 3rd"

"That's not an option." -after being told we aren't headed anywhere other than home, when I pick her up from school.

"That's not a choice." -after being told there's only spaghetti and meatballs -or whatever else she doens't want- for dinner.

"I'm the Swedish Chef, momma! [while tapping the handle end of her butter knife on the kitchen table] Mork, Mork, Mork!"

Singing in the car on her way to school with her daddy driving:  "Hot man in misery, Hot man in misery" - - She's singing "Misery" by Maroon 5, recognized by her teacher upon arriving to school.  My honey-man had no idea what she was singing, although she repeatedly told him it was Maroon 5 from mommie's car.

"I will not ever do that again because the kitties walk on the table." -after being told that if she spits her food out on the kitchen table again, rather than simply eat it or place it back on her own plate, she will be made to eat it from the table. She then clarified, "I don't want to eat off the table because the kitties walk on the table sometimes and that is gross."

"I'm the birthday girl at school today, momma!" -because she IS three years old today!  She is such a happy and clever girl, and from day to day, it thrills me to have such a wonderful lil' being in my life.

She is such a joy, and I feel infinitely grateful to have watched her grow sooo much over just the past 3 years.  I cannot imagine all the more in store for us as she continues to grow.  Her personality bursts with energy and enthusiasm and real spunk, and I find that as the lil' person she is today, and even since the time she was born, she has lightened my being and my hope for this world on a daily basis.

Happy 3rd Birthday, my darling girl.  I love you so.

U2's 'Acrobat'

How funny.... My iTunes shuffle play has brought up U2's 'Acrobat' - - I remember playing this song (on cassette) at an inherently dramatic volume, driving in my beige 1985 Delta 88 Oldsmobile [my friends called it the "Fud-mobile"), singing the words as loud as I could, crying.

Long sigh - - - I am sooooo glad I'm not a teenager anymore.  Reliving my 20s might be nice (as long as I'd wind up exactly where I am now), but no one -NO ONE- could ever pay me enough to relive my high school years.  No freakin' way.