Thursday, March 18, 2010

Maybe Bein' a Mommie Makes the Difference

My mum has been gone now for 23 years, today, but this day doesn't feel the same, like it typically has before... There's no enormous sense of loss, no longing for things that never were, nor any 'hole in my heart' feel to it. I don't feel sad - - I feel only gratitude.

I am soooo thankful I didn't wind up a total mess; that my father and step-mum and my extended families, they all hung in there throughout all my tween and adolescent bull-oney (and then some), and I made it through my undergrad with all the long hours and all the hard work for a double BA, at times working 3 part-time jobs. And don't forget a failed first marriage while enrolled as an undergrad and working all those extra hours, followed by seven years of awkward dating circumstances and various painful relationships, to finally find my oh-so wonderful honey-man and his fantastic son, the angel boy-O (and to earn a Masters degree tah boot), and now, to be the mommie of our most darling sweet potato girlie.

I am so grateful I didn't grow up using my mother's death as an excuse to play the role of a victim; that I never truly fell prey to that attitude. I always knew I was fortunate. It could have been so easy to have gone the other way...this day has always been one of those potential pity-party dates, but my mum taught me to give to others whatever I have to give, and to count my blessings, and to see the other side of the coin, and to put myself in the shoes of others, and not to wallow in one's challenges, but to stand up to the challenge and do so proudly; to be grateful for what I DO have.

I loved my mum, and I still do. I miss her very much, all the time, but I am so grateful for all that I have. I really can't complain.

I love you, mum - - and thank you.


Mikal's Life said...

I am so very happy for you right now Angie and I know that your mom is too!

alicia said...

Haven't stopped by in a while... been in an interesting place myself. So glad to hear how well you are adjusting to motherhood. You sound good. Love the quote on the sidebar. Might steal that.
Anyhow, something made me think of you the other say. Glad you are well.