The P.S. to Finding 'Home'

Right after I published this morning's post, before I stood to go switch the laundry, I carefully set my laptop behind Otis while I uncrossed my legs, and in doing so, I casually kicked a flip-flop donned foot directly into the side of my gone-stone-cold cup of coffee... it did a nice, almost slow-mo 360 rotation in the air without losing a drop and then it landed on its bottom, squarely on the floor, and EVERY SINGLE DROP then flew up into the air, spreading in an upward arched spray right before me, about 4 feet high... As I let out a slow, very pained groan, Otis and Owen both lifted their little fuzzy heads to watch the display.

Thereafter, I spent about an hour cleaning 8 square feet of my honey-man's semi-speckled, creamy white berber carpeting...

Finding 'Home'

Hey there - - I'm still in L.A., and should be on my way back to Vegas by now... I have my fuzzy babies curled up with me on the couch; Otis to the left, seemingly glued to my left thigh, and Owen on my right, each paw barely touching me. I have a gone-stone-cold cup of coffee before me on the coffee table. My hair's still wet (it so does not ever airdry in a mere 30 minutes here, as it would in Vegas). I'm still wearing my slippers/indoor flip flops. My Nano is all charged and updated with my 2 new Jean Leloup albums, ready to hit the road. My things are all packed (kinda), most standing by the door, ready to be taken to my car... but I'm stalling.

It's our 2nd year anniversary today (since our 1st date). And over the last couple days in Montreal, my honey-man's acquired a cold bug. I don't want to leave him. I don't want to leave him alone, with no one to care for him while he's a sick-sicky... Whether it was August 21st or not, and whether my honey-man was ill or not though, I just don't want to leave him.

'Home' is a relative concept for most... For me, it's been where I feel most secure, and it's where I feel that I belong. Foremost, it's been wherever it is that I want to be. Ever since my mother died, I've felt dispossessed in more than one way... my sense of 'home' has never quite been recovered. For years, the closest I've ever felt 'at home' has been in Bear Lake, ID - - secure in my mother's family's love for me, in the stability and acceptance I find there. For now and for years, the physical addresses to which I receive my mail, where I house myself and my things have never quite provided me a real sense of home - - it has been unattainable thus far. I certainly don't yet feel at home in L.A. (honestly, I generally feel, uh, totally lost? like a total foreigner in this world of film and theatre and insane living costs, completely out of control and utterly insignificant), nor do I feel at home in Vegas much anymore, especially now, a guest in my aunt's home with no real place of my own. Regardless, I do know where I want to be - - and that's with my honey-man. My want to be where he is has grown stronger and stronger since the day we first met, over 2 years ago, July 18th, 2004. And since our 1st date, 2 years ago today, I've been utterly doomed (to live in L.A.); my want to be where he is has finally grown stronger than my dislike for L.A...

He is my home.

New French Phrases

Keep in mind, I have NO IDEA how to write any of these in french, and even if I did, most wouldn't know what I was trying to write anyhow... So... parle an englais (sp!?!) - and I can't find the quotations marks on this french keyboard either...

You chew like a cow...

I feel like a diaper (refering to what one might say to the driver of a car, who is riding the back end of the car ahead of us)...

One glass is never enough (refering to wine)


I could go on... but I won't.
Needless to say, we're having a wonderful time.

Au Revoir ~ or Buh Bye Now!

After cuddling in bed for an hour this A.M., with the snooze sounding off every 10 minutes or so, we finally got up to prepare the rest of our packing... collecting any last minute shove-it-in-the-bag items and switching over any liquids or gels from my backpack into what would have been only carry-on lugguge, but must now be checked. [SEMI-RELATED TANGENT: We both normally DO NOT check any bags of any kind. We both prefer to carry it allll on to the plane, taking it with us, keeping things 'with our person' at all times. My air travel motto is this: DO NOT SEPARATE FROM THE LUGGAGE! why? - well, it's based on several very BAD experiences, having lost my luggage more times than I'd like to recount (e.g. Didn't have any of my luggage for FIVE days once and it wasn't found until 2 days before my trip was over!?!), plus the fact that I really do not relish, nor do I ever appreciate my time spent standing around the baggage claim area. Naah, I'd rather skip that part. Oh, and there is the fact that I just don't usually pack more than what will fit just fine in a carry-on bag - - with the exception of ski trips; ski trips always require TOO MUCH STUFF to be brought along. And yes, I take great pride in my EXCELLENT packing abilities. I do! "I'm an excellent..." packer. I won't continue to ramble on about exactly how it is that I am a packing genius, but I'll share this: Right now, for instance, I have enough in my mere CARRY-ON SIZED BAG to wear 14 non-repeat outfits, plus 4 sets of jammies and I could go on and on, but it's basically everything else a 10-day trip requires. Not bad, eh? END OF TANGENT]

The angel boy-O is still dozing in bed, while my honey-man and I also attempt to wrap up work-related emails and whatever. The kitties (so freakin' cute) have been fed and they're mug shots have been taken for a "LOST" flyer I always prepare for the kitty-sitter for any 5+ days-long trip away, so they're now lying around, looking supremely pleased and relaxed. The iShuffle has almost finished loading all of the tracks for Harry Potter's Prisoner of Azkaban. Ahh, the boy is stirring! Time to prepare breakfast.

My blogging may be spotty (or non-existent) until the 22nd. Until then ~ Avoir!

From Wed Night...

My friend Ryan (Hi RYAN!) came over Wed. night for SYTYCD, enabling me to remain in my space (we usually watch at his place) so I could run over things to be packed n' such inbetween commercials. After the first solo dance... "Oh no, we don't have a pen or paper to write down the numbers!"

"Have no fear," I said, as I grabbed the nearest writing utensil and began to write...

This is the baby quilt that my aunt and I have been working on, set up on a quilting frame over the coffee table in the TV/sitting room. I grabbed the fabric pen and there you have it - - it's disappearing ink.

Ready for everything, but this...

Having stayed late at work the last 3 nights in a row, staying until at least 8pm each time, and if you count last week? I know I stayed late almost every night, but last week? I can't remember last week... Anyhow, getting the office ready for my absence, and packing my things for Montreal, like totally mad-frantic, going over and over my list(s) --cuz ya know, although we fly out on Friday, if I forget anything of mine before we leave, chances are it'll be over 280 miles away from L.A., in Vegas! So, I've been checking my lists, have just a couple items to steal from the dryer once it's finished and a couple things from work left to do that I'll be taking in to the office tomorrow as I hit the highway; I'm basically ready.

Mind you, I was supposed to leave for L.A. today and from work, early - - however, I found out that Helen's funeral will be tomorrow AM, and so, I'm postponing L.A. for that. That -the funeral- is what I'm not ready for. After spending time with her daughter the other night and one of Helen's sisters, witnessing their pain is just so excruciating. I know, Helen was 87 years old, but she had been FINE! She looked to be in her early 70s! What happened was this: She took a prescribed medication to which she was allergic and within a few days, less than 1 week, she died of kidney failure. She didn't die of old age. It's heartbreaking. It was preventable - it shouldn't have happened.

I'm not ready for her funeral.

Annnnd R-E-L-A-X, but not yet!

With packing underway for our Montreal trip, while getting the office ready for my 12-day absence, and Helen's family to visit tonight (sigh), much later tonight, I'll need to stop for a moment and BREATHE!

I should keep these two in mind, when the time comes...

To the Best Roomie Ever

Dearest Helen,

After our last phone call, I want to tell you again that I miss you too...

Every time I make my Amish Friendship CAKE or whenever I feed my starter, I think of you and how funny you thought I was for not only seeking out the directions for creating the starter, but for maintaining a jar of it over years' time. Every time someone tells me that the phone's for me, I think of how you would let me know and I can hear you in my mind and it makes me smile. And sometimes, when I'm smiling strong and my smiley-muscles are aching, I remember when you told me "You're eyes disappear when you smile, just like mine did when I was your age." Whenever I encounter a raunchy pop-up window when online, I remember your search for Kmart's 'Blue Light Special' and I giggle madly. And when I write the word 'desperate,' I think of you. Every time I hear or see anything associated to the Wheel of Fortune, I think of you. If I'm at the doctor's office or anywhere and I hear the voice of Pat Sajak, I think of you. Every time I think about the price of bread, I remember how you told me of your childhood, how your parents kept a tab with the grocer in order to have bread and eggs for the family, while today, the eggs go bad and the bread gets moldy, we have so much more than we need. Every egg noodle I see or make, I think of you. Every time I make a chicken pot pie, either from scratch or via Marie Callender, I think of you. Every time I drive past Water St. and Lake Mead, every nickel slot machine I see (you can't escape them in Vegas), every piece of pecan pie I devour, every kind of cream pie, every baby carrot I crunch, whenever I chop a red onion, any 1/2 gallon of Moose Tracks ice cream, whenever I buy pectin or peaches, whenever I bake spaghetti squash, whenever I make Ranger cookies, every box of cordial cherries I see... I want you to know, that when I get down in the dumps -when I'm feeling unworthy- I remember that one time you told me what you really thought of me - - - I want you to know that I've missed you too and will continue to miss you. I'm so sorry that I didn't get the chance to tell you one last time just how much I love you, Helen.

Kisses,
Your Smiling Girl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once I got settled in at work this morning, I got an unexpected call. Helen died last night. She was 87 years old. She was one of the most relaxed and down to earth women I've ever met - She was remarkable, not in that she did many socially remarkable things, but in that she knew what was important and she could see things as they are and still find the beauty of life. And she was a fabulous listener... I can still hear her 'mmm hmm...'

I hadn't known she had taken ill so suddenly...
I had had her name written on my "Things to Do" list for over a month...
I hadn't called her since the week of the angel boy-O's birthday weekend...
I was planning to drop by tomorrow night, to let her know I'd be back on the 22nd with a new set of pictures from Montreal to share with her...
I was hoping to take her to the Magic Star for $2 dollar breakfast...

I feel so badly that I hadn't visted her more recently. I lived with Helen for 3 years.
And she was the best roommate I ever had.

Six Sterling Sweeties of Old

Given a heads up to watch the coming mail, I was told a precious package was to be sent my way. I had not any inkling as to what it could possibly be. I knew though, that this one was serious ~~ I could tell by her voice...

My Grandma Joanie is a fabulous gift-giver ~~ The woman's creativity CANNOT be heralded, and the heart of her giving is always delightsome and generous in its meaning, and the love with which she gives, to communicate LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. This time, little did I know, she would absolutely take my breath away!

Wrestling to open the "Nokia" phone box I received, therein, nestled in folds and wrappings of bubble wrap, I found this most modest, little, felty light bluish gray bundle. Immediately, I could tell it was an aged item and knowing my Grammie's knack for geneaological treasures, I held my breath as I pulled upon the tie...

I found spoons. Teaspoons. Six of them. Sterling.

Six very old, very cherished, very sweet, very fragile and dainty sterling silver teaspoons
~ Circa 1980's ~

The spoons were originally an engagement gift given to my great, great Grandma Angie, from her own mother ~ As the engravings show, they were engraved especially for her.

My childhood nickname was Angie - and still is, whenever I'm with immediate family and close relatives. Anyone who has EVER met anyone in my family, ultimately learns to call me Angie. And when they meet my father, they may even be tutored in the proper rehearsal of "Georgie Porgie, puddnin' pie," who kissed the girls... etc. etc.
Except, the proper family version goes as follows:
"Angie-Pangie, puddnin' pie, kissed the boys and made 'em cry..."

Anyhow, are these sterling sweeties gorgeous or what?
Once I'm settled in Cali, I am so gunna have tea parties.
(I'm grinning madly)

Thank you so much, Joanie-girl! Bless you for loving me so dearly!
And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TWINKLE TOES!

A 3rd post for August 2nd

A note of personal trivia for today's date:

If I had not divorced in 1999, I would have been married for 9 years, today.

WOWZERS, eh?

I hope all's well with him.

You are such...

Over the weekend, I was in L.A. to set up my new baby ~ a Toshiba Satellite A105- S4134... oh yeah, and to visit mah honey-man, of course! and to cuddle my fuzzy babies, Otis and Owen (with the angel boy-O still out of town, visiting his mama's clan in Ootah ~HI! Wendy's Ootah Clan!).

So, yeah ~ my new compooter! I must say, I've been feelin' like I'm a purty clevah grrl (sensing a bit of pride here? ~ you're not mistaken!). THE STORY: My supportive parents had lovingly given me an entry-level laptop for my birthday this past January, as a birthday/early graduation gift [See the pic to the side? "Annejelynn's 31st Birthday Present"]. It was purrrfect timing, and helped me to finish my Thesis ~ BUHHT, it wasn't quite as speedy as I'd like, nor did it have the memory or hard disk space I'd prefer, nor did it have a DVD+/-R drive. Soooo, I sold it last month for $450 (after 7 months of use) and with that money, plus a few hundred I'd saved from generous Congratulatory gift monies given to me for finishing my MPA in May, I gots me a new fandangled laptop! WOO-HOO!

I combed websites and techy promotions for a couple months to prepare for my upcoming purchase, and here's the specs for what I finally chose (with a $25o rebate!):

Centrino Intel Duo Core processor, 1.83 GHz/667 FBS, 2 GB of RAM, 120 GB Hard drive (5400 RPM), Windows Media Center (Vista capable), 2003 Office Suite, CD/ DVD+/-R double layer drive, 4 USB ports with all the other fancy ports, including 2 nifty media card slots, all the wireless capability I'll ever need, and a fingerprint security sensor, etc. etc.

Yup, I'm purty pleased with my purchase.

Over the weekend, just before my honey-man whipped out his camera to document the moment, he said aloud with emphasis upon each word, "You are SUCH a geek," refering to all the USB action you see here in the pic he then took...

Oh and here's a cute fuzzy babies pic, for good measure (it's been a while, eh?)

Updated! Bugly Bug, Bummin' a Ride

UPDATE: Sheryl's figured it out! She rawks, that Sheryl, she does, ohhh she does... What we have here is a "Tarantula Hawk" - seen here.

Check out this gnarly lil' dewd! What is it? I have no idea... I had left my aunt's home on the way to a early- AM doctor's appt. the other day - - As soon as I was driving on the main road, turning out from her neighborhood, he'd flown into my windshield with an audible thud! At the time, I hadn't seen where he'd deflected off to, but when I got out of my appt., returning to my car, I realized he must have bummed a ride with me, all the way to the dr's office! He was just hangin' out on my windshield wipers...

Gimme' Sum Bizkits!

Last night, my honey-man and I had made 'plans to go out' for dinner. Where we'd end up, we weren't sure... but we'd chosen, I think, 3 different possibilities before walking out the door...

BACKGROUND INFO: We don't eat out for dinner a whole lot -maybe twice a month is all. I say "is all" for the fact that I understand most of my friends go out for dinner about twice a week, comparatively. As for us, however, the best way I can explain our behavior is to say we'd rather spend (or save) our money on/for other things. Yet, if we decide to go out, we want to be sure that #1) it's really good (why pay to eat out if there's something better to eat at home?), and #2) we're not always going to the same places over and over ~ we want to try NEW things, BUT we're too frugal to run blind into just any eating establishment.

Sooooo, about a month ago, we bought a ZAGAT guide for Los Angeles restaurants, and I swear, we've looked at every single page twice over, highlighting in yellow the listings below $35/person that score in at least the low to high 20's for the 'food' rating. Of course, admittedly, we're always aiming for something along the lines of $15/person or less with a '24' food rating. You'd be surprised how many 'cheap' but GUHOOOD places there are! [SEMI-RELATED TANGENT: Even though each listing estimates the cost per person, we've been able to figure out that between the two of us, we usually spend $5-20 less, since we rarely order appetizers or drinks... just don't need that much food! END OF TANGENT.]

Once we've gone to a place found we'd found in the Zagat guide, we highlight over the yellow with green. And considering how infrequently we go out, changing over the yellow to green will be a long process.

So yeah, last night, we left home with THREE places to try... Three for the fact that one of the first we'd chosen in Larchmont, we called and they were booked for the entire evening. As back up, we'd chosen some cuban restaurant called Versailles (a misleading name, don't you think? - my honey-man's been there before, to 2 other different locations of theirs, but not me) and a peruvian joint, in case Versailles was packed. Already, this story is longer than it needs be, so I'll get to the point...

On our way to Versailles, driving down Manchester, I saw 'IT' and literally, I clutched the dashboard and squawked... "Roscoe's House of Chicken n' Waffles!!!" One U-turn and a quick pull of the parking break, we found ourselves at the original Roscoe's located in west L.A. proper, surrounded by red neon and some of the most artery cloggin' cusine imaginable! I soooo wish I'd had my camera... the butter for our waffles? At first glance, as our waitress approached with our loaded plates, I thought it was ice cream! FOUR HUNORMOUS SCOOPS! Like fountain scoop-size scoops!?! I don't think I stopped giggling for more than 1 minute, unless I was chewing...

Now where is that green highlighter?

Resignation Rescinded

Something I could mention - - I've rescinded my final resignation date, meaning I will not be leaving my job on August 31st. Why renig on our decision to resign? It was actually my honey-man's idea...

See, this is how it started: A few weeks ago, the week before my bridal shower, I think, I was on my way to meet some friends for lunch, and I was on the cell with my honey-man, telling him how my boss and I had just looked at our travel schedules for the remainder of July and into August, and we had determined that we'd have maybe 4 solid days to work together to refill my position by August 31st...

Mmmkay, the submission of my resignation date was to serve two purposes; 1) Get my butt to L.A. if I hadn't gotten a job by then, and 2) It would give HR the license to not only announce the upcoming vacancy of my position ahead of time, but to also initiate a formal search for a suitable replacement hire before I left. Well, the aforementioned 4 days for a rehire search ain't gunna work for anyone. Plus, there's the fact that once I'd announced my resignation date (an action which was entirely contrary to my original assurances given to my father that I would NOT move before securing a job), um, the decision has since proven itself to be MEGA ULTRA STRESSFUL.

But honestly, before my honey-man said anything about going back to the original plan (again, that'd be to stay here until I secure a job in L.A.), I hadn't once thought to change my resignation date - sure, I was totally freakin' out with all the insecurity and sheer panic, actually planning to give up my health benefits for NO JOB, but I'd made the decision to resign and I was gunna resign on August 31st. Of course, if I could score a freakin' job in L.A. before then, I'd leave before then...

Ho hum. Yeah, so unless I get a job, I'm gunna be here... I hadn't thought I'd still be here.

Guilty Confession #2

Last night, around 10PM Pacific time, while my friend Ryan and I both sat on the couch, each with a phone in hand, I hungrily dialed the following numbers as fast as I could, before the phone lines were absolutely jammed:

1.888.TEMPO.02
1.888.TEMPO.03
1.888.TEMPO.07
1.888.TEMPO.08

Now if you don't recognize these numbers? I am SOOOOO NOT going to explain a bit of it.
This admission alone is enough, thanks!

ka ka ka Camping!

We went CAMPING last weekend - and I'm still riding high off it! ~ even after the mega emotional shake-up on Sunday, when driving back to Vegas. We just had TOO. MUCH. FUN! It also happened to be one of California's hottest summer weekends thus far, BUHHT our campsite, chosen totally blind, online at random by my honey-man (meaning we had ZIPPO- ZERO IDEA as to what we were gunna get before we got there) was PERFECTLY shaded with a couple large trees and generous bushes (wild flowering baby's breath!) creating a great deal of privacy compared to other campsites and well spaced from other campers. It also had a rather large open area for the fire pit.

Most importantly, our campsite was placed beside a sweet little river (a 'creek' by midwestern standards) for our cool-down pleasure/needs and pure enjoyment. It even had several thigh-deep, even above waist-deep pools for tooling and floating about. It was like a lil' oasis.

Another delightful aspect of our trip was that there wasn't any visible smog! Only 2 hours from L.A. and the air seemed clear - a trek up the mountain revealed we were still enveloped, BUHHT it wasn't even half as bad as back in the city, that's for sure. The skies were GORRRgeous and the stars at night? We'd sit beside one another in our camp chairs by our campfire, well past 11pm, necks craned backwards, staring up into the starry heavens! All weekend long, we felt truly fortunate - - even when the weekend temperature proved to be a bit unkind.

Our 2nd night though, sitting by the fire once again (I soooo LOVE campfires! - and fire in general), with the angel boy-O already fast asleep inside the tent, we both suddenly thought and spoke aloud at the same time,
"It's so hot still - what time is it?" We then both had the same idea and went to the Matrix to check the time and the exterior thermometer's reading - it was after 10:30 at night and it was 94 degrees?!? A couple hours later, we retired to the tent for some shut eye and the rest of that night was miserably hot and sweaty - - Even still, we had a splendidly successful camping experience!




One of the many things I love most about camping - besides all the wildlife, the hiking and trails, campfires and camp lanterns, flashlights, sleeping outside, the starry nights, the sounds of the outdoors, both day and night, all the fresh air - is camp out food!!! I love camping snacks and camp cooking! Trail mix! Tinfoil dinners! BBQ beans! Hot chocolate! Campfire angel cake! Granola! Fruit leathers! Thick French toast! Very-bad- for-you fatty fried breakfast meats! Campstove scrambled eggs! Smores! Roasted Marshmellows! Banana Boats! Roasted Veggie kabobs! Fruit salad! When we were preparing our foodstuffs the night before our trip, most happily (in a kinda neurotic way), I filled several itty-bitty so-cute mini-storage containers with minute measurements of whatever = butter, mayo, mustard, BBQ sauce, ketchup, shredded cheddar, peanut butter, blueberry jam, french toast spice, creamer, ground coffee and instant coffee (in case the aluminum camp percolator was a bust ~ And it didn't turn out to be! It was great!), and small bottles of milk and maple syrup, each with a "cool core" column of that blue icey stuff kept in the center - ? - do you know what I mean? Anyhow, I love the outdoor cooking aspect of camping A LOT! If I had to rank what I love most about camping, I'm not sure I could do it... I do know though that after ANY kind of camping trip, I rediscover my deep, deep appreciation for clean running water and indoor plumbing.

"Forget the Hiatus" or "Counting Lucky Stars!"

First of all, this whole bloggin' hiatus? Kinda necessary, but not as much as I had thought - explanation to follow later in the week...

2nd of all, we went camping in Cali this past weekend; me, mah honey-man and the angel boy-O, camping together for the first time! - will write more about this soon.

But more pressing than 'first of all' or '2nd of all,' although I'm about to go to bed, I'm still stunned, reeling from a most harrowing experience I must share. BACKGROUND INFO: As a rule, whenever I'm on a road trip somewhere, I try hard not to exceed more than 15 mph over the speed limit. Why not just drive the speed limit? I'm not gunna answer that - geesh! Anyhow, to be more exact, I usually hover about 12-13 over the limit... SEMI-RELATED TANGENT: However, whenever traveling through Utah or Idaho, it's more like 8-10 mph over. And in Wyoming? No more than 7 mph over the limit, not EVER! And when I'm traveling in Nebraska, Iowa or Illinois? ...there are far too many explanations and stories to offer here, but I won't go into any of that. So anyhow, the 'background info.' continues: The speed limit between Vegas and L.A. is 70 mph, so I usually drive about 83 mph.

Now, see if you can picture this: I had just gotten off the phone with my honey-man, having reached Barstow, CA - my half-way point between L.A. and Vegas. Maybe 2 minutes before I'd hung up with him, I saw a white car coming up from behind me and fast. Before the approaching car would need to slow down at all, I moved into the middle lane and out of its way, allowing the speed demon to pass. It was a Grand Am and man, it was blazing! Now, if I was driving at 83 mph, you know it had to have been going faster... Keep that in mind.

Once the Grand Am had passed me, I was off the phone and coming up on a Budget rental truck, so I casually moved back into the far left lane, preparing to pass it. Then, looking further ahead on the road, by a distance of maybe 12-14 car lengths, I watched that same Grand Am suddenly swerve and move towards the soft, narrow left shoulder of the hwy. In a split second, having met the left shoulder, its rear end twisted 'round from the back right, towards its front, to then see the front right of the car catch, allowing the back left of the car to lift into the air, spinning the car round even more, so that its headlights were aimed in my direction for a mere nanosecond, to then watch the car's front driver's side flip up and then over for 2 and a half rotations, across the width of the 3-lane hwy, smashing into the upward slant of the far right shoulder's embankment.

The dirt stirred high up into the air from the left and right shoulders of the hwy had created an enormous cloud of dust, and before I came to a complete stop on the right shoulder, in the very midst of that dust cloud, I wasn't sure what I'd see, nor was I sure I'd even make it to the side of the road. It was remarkable, just how FAST the dust did settle though. For me, I first saw that the Budget rental truck I'd been about to pass on my right, moments before the accident, had stopped only 25 feet or so in front of me, and its driver was already outside, fumbling with the blue hwy emergency call box located a mere 10 feet away from the steaming Grand Am. I then saw that the Grand Am was resting on the length of its passenger side, its headlights (they were missing actually, along with the entire front bumper) aimed toward me. The windshield was smashed inward and I couldn't see anyone inside from where I was, but it looked as though the engine was still running.

Now keep in mind, ALL OF THIS happened in a matter of seconds: Before I had my parking break set, I had already punched the button for my car's hazard lights and had located my cell phone, a beach towel from the back seat and a hefty tub-size package of wet wipes. Then I was out my car door and running as fast as I could (wearing sandals), carrying with me the things I had grabbed, expecting the worst. Running past the rental truck driver, who was now only standing by the emergency call box, gawking at me, I yelled at him to please come help me.

Having reached what was the left side of where the Grand AM was, it was clear that the engine was still on, but I couldn't immediately see if anyone was in the car, even if all the side car windows had been smashed out. The Grand AM's interior was caked with red desert dirt and lined with shards and pieces of broken glass. Then I heard her, sobbing hard and loudly. A woman caked in the same red desert dirt, all powdery from head to toe, was crawling from the backseat towards the entirely smashed out back window. I ran around towards the rear of the car, where I discovered a man, head shaved (I could see all kinds of bloody nicks around his head), who was also caked in the same powdery dirt, standing as if he'd just straightened up, his eyes blinking madly, and he looked as though he was going into shock.

The rental truck driver then came to my side, and once I began asking questions (more like shouting, but not quite), we both tried to determine if either of the two were seriously hurt, if they thought they'd broken any bones, etc. etc. and we tried to help the woman out of the Grand Am, pulling her up from the back window of the car. And as she stood, still sobbing (understandably!), she and her man insisted that they were okay - and looking them over, despite all the dirt, all I could see was scrapes and cuts. Nothing deep. Nothing major. They were, by potentially-fatal-auto-accident standards, perfectly fine.

By that moment, more people had stopped at the scene, but no one had turned off the Grand Am. The sound of the engine and the still blaring stereo, coupled with the smell of burning antifreeze brought this fact back to my attention. I looked around to see maybe 5 new people within reach, all grown adult men, most gravitating towards the still sobbing (understandably!) woman, asking her if she was all right, although the guy (presumably the woman's significant other, who was also crying by that time) was the one in worse shape. I had already given the towel and wipes to the dusty couple, insisting they both sit down on the ground, and had also grabbed a man who had run up to me, insisting he had a veritable first-aid center in the back of his SUV if needed. I asked him to please help get our dusty couple to sit down, and then I stood and turned to grab the rental truck driver, but saw that someone was finally back on the emergency call box, shouting out the pertinent questions - - What kind of car is this? What's the closest mile marker? What happened? What went wrong? Are you sure they're okay? No broken bones? They didn't break anything? No bones?!?

I then announced the obvious - "The car engine's is still running!"

Absolutely no one made a move...

Next thing I know, I'm jumping to dive through the broken driver's window, battling with a fully deployed airbag, trying to turn the damn car off. It took two 'dives' to do it. No one tried to help - ???

IMPORTANT NOTE: Before I forget to mention this, absolutely NO ONE was else was hit by the Grand AM when it violently tumbled across the highway; everyone else passed by without further incident. How that is, I have NO idea.

So, what had happened? The Grand Am couple were #1 DRIVING WAY TOO FRICKIN' FAST, and #2 doing so ON A SPARE TIRE!?!? located at the rear of the driver's side??? - ya know, one of those wienie lil' donut spares you're not supposed to use going any faster than 35 mph? But what triggered the accident was that #3 their front driver's tire blew, and #4 after the inital blow, moving immediately to the left shoulder before first slowing down at all, when those two bad tires hit the softness of the left shoulder, their sheer speed and the momentum of the car's right side spun the car around and it flipped and flipped.

Once the man talking on the emergency call box had completed his call and the Grand Am couple had wiped their faces clean, about to start on the scapes and cuts they had all over their their legs and arms, I stood there for a moment, staring at them. I stepped forward and crouched in front of them both, and starting to cry, I said (more like choked) very slowly, "You guys are sooo lucky."

And then, shaking still from all the adrenaline, I walked back to my car and left.

Of course, I called my honey-man as soon as I had successfully merged into the backed up traffic, back on the hwy. It was difficult to speak - - they were so lucky. They were so lucky. And I was stunned; at how so many people stopped, but so few made a move to actually help. And they were so lucky.

The rest of my drive home to Vegas, I cried off and on, relieved and amazed that no one else, including myself, had been hurt at all. And in my head, I recounted all the times I've witnessed the occurence of an auto-related accident and all the times I've found myself in the midst of an accident scene. There are many stories to tell. And I'm counting my lucky stars.

And My Favorite Bridal Shower Gift...

Just hafta to make a note here...
My bridal shower was sooooo WONDERFUL! It was PURRRFECT! And my favorite shower gift??? It was given to me from my friends, Kim and Poppy = the most complete gathering of ALL my Vegas friends, all of them together ~ all there for me! That was the BEST gift they could give me! And boy, do I feel uber loved! THANK YOU GIRLS!

My Blogging Hiatus has begun, BUT...

...I've had this one sitting in my drafts for several weeks, and I'm just gunna post it, cuz I just have to...

My friend Poppy and I, we instant-message one another while at work (moderately), and the weekend before the 4th of July, I think it was, I wrote to her and asked her what she had going for the weekend. She wrote back, telling me she had plans to paint her two-year old's bedroom, and then, what in her mind was only a joke, she asked if I wanted to come over and help paint... The rest of our AIM convo went something like this...

Me: paint?
Me: did you say PAINT?
Me: painting?!? you're gunna paint!?!
Me: PAINTING?!?!
Me: I LOVE TO PAINT! I'LL PAINT ANYTHING!
Me: did you ASK ME to PAINT?
Me: will you let me?!?! will you let me paint?
Me: I LOVE TO PAINT! You have NO IDEA how much!
Me: so can I?
Me: huh? huh? can I? can I paint? can I?
Me: I SO LOVE PAINTING! WILL YOU LET ME PAINT?
Me: I would SOOOOO love to come over and paint! YES? can I?!?
Her: you're scaring me...

So, we spent that Saturday painting from 10 am-ish until 5 pm-ish and we had a TOTAL ABSOLUTE BLAST (I love to paint!) and it was uber fun! And WE DID A GOOD JOB, WELL DONE! Check it! ~ Click on images for a larger view, if you're that interested!

A Gazillion Posts, Unposted

I've got a gazillion posts written up in my head, each unposted thus far... I think I may have to take a bit of a blogging hiatus... For one, I'm very busy trying to prepare my office for my leaving for L.A., all while searching for a new job in L.A.... And two, I'm searching for a new job in L.A. ...Um, did I tell ya that I'm searching for a job in L.A.? And that I had no idea a job search could be THIS PAINFUL!?!? And um, yeah, I'm searching for a job AND trying to have some fun this summer. * sigh * So far, it's been a bitty bit taxing on the ol' psyche. However, although I've written really NOTHING about it (taken a bit off track by the unexpected deaths of my poor fishies), my 4th of July weekend was absolutely GRAND, and EVERYTHING we did was quite encouraging. [TRANSLATION: It was pleasant enough that I believe I could live in L.A. and possibly maintain some sanity, even though I WILL NEVER GET OVER HOW FREAKIN' EXPENSIVE AS HELL EVERYTHING IS and the traffic is utterly INSANE.... although neither of those two fACTS are news to anyone.] I still hope to share some of my holiday weekend here, but it'll have to wait. For now, I'll lay off the ALL CAPS... at least for one full sentence before I do it again.

Remaining set plans for the summer: 1) My sister just arrived in Vegas for her new job, with plans to take some grad classes in the fall, and I hope she and I will be spending some significant time together before I have to leave... yes, she moves here, and now I'm leaving? How much does THAT suck?
2) My bridal shower is this coming Saturday (BIG SMILE). My Vegas girlfriends, Kim and Poppy wanted to throw one here, sooner than later, in case I were to actually find a job and leave Vegas before my resignation date of August 31st.
3) The weekend of the 20th, we're going CAMPING with the angel boy-O in tow ~ I'm absolutely STOKED OUTTA MY MIND!
4) We recently lined up our flights for Montreal in August ~ Woo-hoo! Yup, we're goin' back, ya know, seeing that my honey-man's ENTIRE family lives there and we figure it'd be nice for me and them to spend more time together before I marry the honey-man. We'll be gone the 11th thru the 20th! And as one should suspect, I've acquired about a dozen different French language audio CDs, which I now listen to in my car on the way to work and on trips to L.A., at my desk (like right now) and on my Nano. So far, all that I can say consistently [beyond some French basic basics like 'Yes' and 'No,' 'Please' and 'Thank You,' 'Good morning' and Goodnight,' my numbers and days of the week, 'Can you speak English,' and 'I don't understand,' and 'I don't know, I don't care,' (the latter being my favorite), etc. etc.] is "May I have a glass of milk?" That's it. Oh, and "You have a handsome car."
5) My parents will be in Vegas once I get back from Montreal and I'll take MORE time off from my soon-to-be-no-more beloved job to spend some time with them.
6) Move to Los Angeles...

It is Not Idleness...

"Resting is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under a tree on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time." - J. Lubbock

I would suspect that if there were such a thing as former lives, Lubbock had been a cat...

Sweetest Sympathies

I don't have my camera with me, but more importantly, I'll share the Sympathy card that was written with the lovely flowers just delivered to my office:

"We're sorry for your loss, sweetie. You took good care of your fishies and they had a great life with you. We're sure they're happily flipping their fins in the great ocean beyond.
Love, _____ & ____ ."

Sent by my honey-man and the angel boy-O.

I'm a Terrible Mother

I just got back to Vegas from a most wonderful weekend in L.A. - - and I feel like utter crap now...
I opened the door to what has been "my bedroom" in my aunt's home for the last month, and the smell hit me like a brick... and I couldn't hear any running water... and immediately, I looked to the back corner of the room to see my fishtank completely dark, the water cloudy, opaque and rusty in color... And I burst into tears.

Although two days before I'd left town, I had explained to my aunt that the fishtank was THE ONLY THING powered in the room by the light switch, over the past weekend, before she left for Oregon, she must have gone in there for something and flicked the light switch by habit on her way out, closing the door behind her. Even though I had tried to prevent a potential accident-waiting-to-happen, by letting her know about the tank and the light switch, I should have never placed the tank in that corner with the nearest outlet dependent upon the light switch.

I'm absolutely mortified, to think of how the ammonia level must have risen in the tank to a toxic measure, slowly killing my poor pretty Pauline, piggy-boy Moffet, baby Rocky and Stud Jr. They were at least 5 years old - I'd had them for 5 years. I just buried them in the backyard at the base of a rose bush. And bawled the whole time. And then I cleaned out their tank. And bawled the whole time.

I feel terrible.

Purty Cool Pics, if I say so myself, from my Engagement Weekend, aka Memorial Day 2006

This spot shown below is the south lower corner of the hill that my honey-man had wanted to visit/walk together, mentioned in my previous engagement post - the story is here. My Grandma's home is perched just above the hill's base. This picture shows only a mere fraction of the total valley view visable from the hill's top.

A rainbow in the Bear Lake Valley, as seen from my Grandma's front room picture window...

My Grandma's tulips!

Just as we were leaving town, more rain... This is the DIRT road just down from my Grandma's house.

THIS is how it should be at every burger joint!!! - FRY SAUCE, right next to the ketchup!

(Think of Homer Simpson here)
"Mmmmm.... FFRYYY SAAUUCE."

This is my cousin Whitney's new lil' fuzzy baby - isn't she stinkin' cute? So small!?!

Our view to the south of the rodeo grandstand... love those low, misty clouds!

My Grandma has lil' flip-through quote books and calendars placed out on display throughout her home.

This particular flip-calendar has been kept in my Grandma's kitchen for at least 6 years now...
I found this page to be rather poignant for me.

Staying in SLC before my Cali boys met up with me for that weekend, I stayed with one of my most loved friends from college, Suzanne. Oh-so gorgeous roses in her front yard!
This is one of a gazillion other photos taken by me.

My Final Resignation

I began writing this post on June 12th, but couldn't finish it at the time... It had been sitting around as a draft until now.
=======================================

The weekend of June 10th, my honey-man and I had a very serious, much needed convo... The matter of discussion: What's our deadline for my moving to California, if and when I haven't yet scored a job?
4 months? 5 months? A year? How long do we wait? At very first, the thought of determining an answer for this question was upsetting alone... My primary resistance to moving to L.A. before securing a job is this: I am terrified to live without health benefits. TERRIFIED -- Not having coverage; it's just not something I do. I could say more on this, but I won't. Leave it at that. I'm terrified.

So anyhow, establishing a deadline... If it takes me longer than 3 months to get a job, something just ain't working, ya know? The L.A. job market ain't exactly booming right now, and the competition is high. Not being in L.A., searching from Vegas, it's proving itself to be rather difficult effort.

Today (June 12th at the time), I went to see my boss, to tell him that unless I score a job sooner than later, my last day will be August 31st. He understood our reasoning, and some rhetorical questions were posed as to how well I'll adjust to life in L.A., but before walking out his office, I said, more for me than him, "With change, good things can come." And then, turning from his office doorway, out into the hallway, I promptly burst into tears.

And once I was back in my office, like clockwork, my honey-man called to check in = my primary reason to move to L.A. ~ ~ And then, to follow-up, my sweet friend, Ryan showed up outside my office door = one of the many reasons that it's so hard to leave Vegas.

Man, change can really exacerbate insecurity -
For weeks now, I've been swimming in it - Insecurity, that is. It's totally kickin' my ass!

"Good things can come from change"... (repeat to self, over and over).

A Final Thank You! Mah Final 2006 MS Fundraising Results!

A most belated announcement -I know, I know- BUT I just wanted to let everyone know that not only did we meet my $1,500 fundraising goal for this year's 2006 MS Walk in April... we EXCEEDED it!

THE GRAND TOTAL: $1,610!

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH for supporting the National Multiple Sclerosis Society and FOR HELPING ME, help my Popstar ~ the wonderful, Poppy Johnston! She, her family and her friends and myself - we all THANK YOU for your contribution!

You guys RAWK! Barbara & Richard Ballingham, Jim & Radeane Blackwell, LaVerne Boe, Jackie Camp, Mike Chiafulio, Shelan Davis, Robert Dippner, Sherri Draper, Jamey Garbett, Tim Garbett, Lindsey Harrington, Pam Havig, Chandra Huntington, Dannie & Cliff Johnson, Seorin Kim, Bob Koettel, Kerri Ladish, Ryan Larsen, Brian Lech, Julie Loiacano, David Maas, Tracy Manford, Pascal Marcotte, Rebecca Marcotte, Aaronell Matta, Janice McMurray, Stephanie Morris, Suzanne Poulsen, Charles Rasmussen, Jenna Silverman, Daly Sorvongsavanh, Ike & Shanna Thomas, Amy Sloan-Forderer, Stephanie Stowman, Rebecca Thomas, Leslie Trottier, Katherine Trottier, Jennifer Vecchio, Diane Villa, Wayne Weiten

THANK YOU ALL, AGAIN!! OVER AND OVER!!!

Me No Carry Cash

People, here is proof as to what I mean when I say that I don't carry any cash.

I was at Target this weekend with my friend Poppy, establishing my Bridal Shower registry (so, so, SOOOO fun to zap stuff with the scanner!!! WOO-HOO!). She had to pick up some things while we were there, and I remembered that I needed to buy only ONE THING - a package of toiletpaper. That's it - nothing more.
And I paid for it with my credit card!!!
That's right -I didn't even have TWO LOUSY BUCKS on me to buy TOILETPAPER!?!

See, I only ever take out any cash for a very specific purchase/event - Otherwise, I'll either 1) most likely lose/misplace it, or 2) spend it on something I didn't need.
I am so NOT the one to ever split your $20 for you, nor could I spotcha a buck for the vending machine at work. And whenever approached by anyone homeless, I literally don't have "any change" to give - - so I never have to lie about it.

IMPORTANT TANGENT: Speaking of giving $$$ to the homeless... I've worked for a few charities involving the homeless and the #1 rule is this: Go online to research local charities in your area, make some calls and pick a non-profit of your choice to which you can donate, if you really want to help. NEVER GIVE CASH TO THE HOMELESS! Your only assurance that it will be used wisely is to donate, or better yet, volunteer your time!
THANK YOU!

Self-Portrait Day! Security Camera Style

Ga ga ga GRANT Time!

I was just given word that a particular grant related to my MPA topic was not only approved, but AWARDED, and the money is already comin' in - !?!

What does this mean? I'll be getting paid part-time to do survey-based research with this grant. I'll get to do some traveling! I'll be paid for it! Not only will it provide excellent grant experience, the money will help ease my transition in L.A., so that if I don't find a job by August 31st, I'll still be makin' enough moolah to pay for all my necessities/bills.

Did you hear that everyone?
It was a HUGE body-heaving, sob-racked sigh of relief.

You all have NO IDEA how much I've been stressing in the last 3 weeks - well, my honey-man does. Poor man. I'm so sorry baby for behaving like a neurotic spaz!

How serendipitous is this, right? RIGHT!?!? Somebody give me a trampoline! I'm ready to flip!

Laah, La La, it's Summer Solstice!

Every year, my mother's family celebrates the Winter Solstice with an evening bonfire, either up on a particular hillside overlooking the Bear Lake valley or at the lake, itself, complete with live music (ranging from acoustic guitar to accordian - yes, accordian), singing, candles and lights everywhere and food and drink overflowing. In contrast, my father's family has paid particular attention to the Summer Solstice, trekking off to northwestern Utah every 5 years or so, to visit the Sun Tunnels. The last family trip was in either 2000 or 2001, but I missed it because I had to stay in Vegas for work... and it totally sucked.

I hope to go again at least one last time and to do so before either of my grandparents bow-out. Moving futher away from Ootah, when or how that will ever happen, I really don't know. Okay, now I'm just makin' myself sad, which was not the idea here. I just wanted to say HAPPY SUMMER SOLSTICE and offer some info. re: the Sun Tunnels.

Check it out here and here. * UPDATE *And here's another good article.

Note of correction: I did NOT take any of these pictures. They're from here and here.

Another 'Set of Fivers' Meme - aka "No Time to Blog"

5 of my "GUNNA FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THIS" splurgy snacks I enjoy most: 1) Nutella spread on croissants, 2) croissants in general, 3) a "Cappuccino Heath" Blizzard from DQ, 4) a "Strawberry Blonde" Like-It from Cold Stone Creamery, and 5) delicious, greasy onion rings from Hires with LOTS of 'fry sauce'

5 bands for which I know the lyrics for MOST of their songs: 1) The Beatles, 2) Sarah McLachlan, 3) ABBA, 4) Madonna (who doesn't?), 5) Tori Amos

5 things I would do with $100,000,000: 1) Pay off my loans (student loans and the Matrix car loan), 2) buy a condo in Burbank and couple investment properties outside of CA, 3) donate some serious money to the American Cancer Society, 4) create a hefty collective college fund for the angel boy-O, plus any unborn sibs to arrive later on, and 5) reinvest the rest for retirement.

5 locations I'd like to run away to: 1) Europe with a Europass, or more specifically, 2) Italy, 3) France, 4) Spain and 5) Thailand.

5 bad habits I have: 1) Biting my lower lip and/or the inside of my cheek when nervous (doesn't happen much), 2) clenching my jaw (all the time), 3) picking at my face (morning and night), 4) Interrupting (a lot), 5) not asking for help when I need it

5 things I would never wear: 1) spandex, 2) Daisy Dukes, 3) anything with pleats, 4) anything with gold lame' 5) anything from a saucy, uber expensive, ultra-overpriced, overrated fu-fu fashion designer label.

5 solitary hobbies I enjoy most: 1) reading, 2) sewing, 3) refinishing furniture, 4) stain glass, 5) gardening

5 things I like to do involving others: 1) cuddling with my boys (NOTE: "My Boys" = the honey-man, the angel boy-O, plus Otis & Owen), 2) going to visit family and friends, 3) traveling, 4) game night at my place 5) breakfast at my place

5 biggest joys at the moment (more like on-going): 1) mah honey-man and the angel boy-O (they're a package deal), 2) Otis & Owen (also a package deal, but furry and smaller than the first), 3) being done with grad school, 4) BEING ENGAGED TO MY SWEET LOVE! and 5) living with my aunt before I leave Vegas.

5 things to look forward to: 1) mah Bridal Shower in July, 2) Hopefully, my 2nd trip to Montreal in August, 3) Gettin' a job in L.A., 4) Movin' to L.A., 5) Gettin' a place in Burbank, 6) Gettin' my stuff out of storage, 7) Picking a place and when to get married, 8) Gettin' hitched to my sweet honey-man, 9) OUR HONEYMOON! WOO-HOO!, 10) Making a home with my honey-man, 11)... (THIS LIST COULD GO ON AND ON!)

Let's Fold Sockies!

We have various pictures like this here: Socks and undies laid out for matching and folding, with Otis, smack in front of my honey-man, in the midst of his folding efforts, settled right in there.
Oattie loves to fold socks.

I like doing the laundry just fine - the pre-wash sorting of colors, textures and materials; the pre-treating of stains and checking of pockets; perfectly timing the transfer of laundry loads from washer to dryer; removing the delicates to be either hung or laid out, allll without complaint, BUHT (and I gots me a big butt) I HATE FOLDING! Well, no - I can do folding and I do it well, but I guess I have a hard time putting it all away once it's all folded. It can sit for days. Yeah, I don't like putting it all away. Well, no - that's not quite it either... Nevermind. However, my honey-man is a wonderful, most devoted folder and put-away-er of clean laundry, and I really appreciate and adore this aspect of who he is. To be more honest, I LOVE IT! So does Otis.

Yes, I'm one of those rare, lucky women in the world: My honey-man WILLINGLY folds laundry and does so, meticulously. Sure, he lacks the kind of sorting skills I'd prefer, when it comes to prepping the dirty laundry for wash, but I got that covered.
The more important point to focus upon:

I have landed me a man who will fold the laundry!

3 'Shout Wipes' Later...?

Light colored pants are simply impractical! AhhhRRG! And it's only 9AM!?!

I Want My MTV

You may or may not have noticed, but in the side margin on the right, I have a lil' "Song in My Head" spot, featuring the current song I've got stuck in my head, including a link to a list of the other songs I've had stuck in my head (at least the few songs that have been noted thus far)... So tonight, on the way home from a get together with some dear friends, "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits came on the radio, and immediately I thought, "This one is soooo gunna get stuck in my head - I love its Intro and chorus - This will be my next 'Song in My Head' song."

I've been listening to that song since it first hit the radio waves, early mid-80s I think? Although I was only 9 or 10 years old at the time, I had loved it. This time though, I realllllly listened to the lyrics from beginning to end, and honestly, I was a little stunned to realize I had NEVER really heard them before. Kind of like the time I first ever really listened to all the lyrics for "Grease Lightening" from the movie Grease. Anyhow, in "Money for Nothing," the use of "faggot" - ?!? The REPEATED use of the word "faggot" - ?

Sadly, I don't like that song anymore.

p.s. I still love "Grease Lightening"

"Lesson Learned" - or - "A New Personal Rule of Conduct - #2"

I will never again buy generic cotton swabs. Q-Tips are the ONLY way to go.

Update, 2006/10/18: Yes, Rule #1 came long after this post... but this item is now considered not only a lesson learned, but a "personal rule of conduct;" now Rule #2, to be exact.

THREE AM = That's Purty Early to be Perusing the Net, ain't it Mr. T.R.?

UPDATE for the recent anonymous commenter: Honestly, having any old boyfriend check out my blog is ABSOLUTELY fine - I'm on good terms with most of them anyhow. But this one? You obviously -whether you know him or not- have NO IDEA just how awful our break up was (more like downright nightmarish and hellish), nor do you have any idea what's gone on over the last 3+ years since we broke up, whenever his previous live-in girlfriend was at home, sleeping.... Like how he 1) drove across town in the middle of the night and left a lengthy hand written note on my car, literally begging me to give him a 2nd chance, at the same time admitting in writing that he sat outside my house waiting for hours, watching my window, hoping I would come outside (that was a year or so after our break up?); and 2) how I agreed to have lunch with him in late 2004, so he could ask me some questions, where he told me that he still hadn't met anyone special -although he was still living with the same woman he had met 3 weeks after our break up, who lived with him up until last Fall of 2005- and he then tried to hold my hand from across the luncheon table; or how 3) every 6-9 months on average, about twice each year, he would call in the middle of the night, drunk and rambling about 'what ifs' and how he 'missed us' and how we were together. His more recent calls (November '05 and his multiple calls to my cell in the early AM of 2006 New Years Eve/Day) were unsettling, to say the least - - then followed by visits to my blog - - plus a couple anonymous chicken-shit comments posted, as if they weren't him? Oh and throw in a couple hate letters received since the break up and various emails ranging from "I love you still" (one of the 'earlier' ones - mid to late 2004) to "You should apply for this job opening here at my new work..." (think that was before New Years -?).

Now, none of it makes him a stalker, exactly - that's a bit much, really, but combine ALLL OF IT from over the last 3+ years since the break up and not only does it all make his visits here unwelcome, but it's led me to suspect the man has/had issues moving on. You don't think so?!? Well, call me egotistical then. That's fine. One thing, however, that I do absolutely agree with you on: "Sometimes we can gain insight into a friend's choices/personality/behavior by learning about a person they once chose to make a part of their life." I absolutely agree. And his part in my life makes me sad, as to what it possibly says about me. END OF UPDATE.

I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but this next comment is directed to Mr. T.R.:

What is wrong with you? Didn't you get the message last time?!? MOVE ON!

Those of you wondering what this is or who I'm talking to? - See previous posts here and here.

P.S. And those of you now concerned about site meters? - Read this previous post here.

During Blogger's Major Bout of Indigestion...

In the last 32+ hours of Blogger's whatever that was, I had finally spent some good time visiting several of my favorite blogs, and I was unable to post any comments = dammit!

I made my first purchase ever on eBay (I've had a profile since 2001 and had never used it) and wanted to write a quick confessional blurb about how thrilled I was at the time and how at the same time I was feeling almost ashamed - - but that moment is gone = dammit!

I was gunna write a confessional post about my new obsession with Fox TV's "So You Think You Can Dance," but now, all I'm up for is a simple admission - end of story = dammit! Well, no. I'll say this much more: It's so bad, my obsession, that I LEFT A FUN PARTY last night to be home by 9pm, in time for the show - ?!? I'm gettin' my aunt hooked on it too! She thinks I'm evil.

Yesterday, I wanted to post a clever Self-Portrait Day Thursday - but now? My USB flashdrive with the pic I wanted to post is now at work and I've got today off, away from work = dammit!

Starting Tuesday, I had begun writing a chronicle of sorts re: my latest 10-day long pursuit - - yes, I'm being evasive on purpose - - but I couldn't add to my current draft = dammit!

Everybody have a fabulous weekend! I'm off to deal with our Echo's needs while my honey-man's driving the Matrix in L.A. [Echo's bumper replacement = cheaper in Vegas (poor Grams hit it when we were up in Bear Lake) and a much needed tire rotation]. I also gotta go dig my wireless router out of storage, so I can happily spend the rest of the day job searching from the comfort of the couch!

P.S. I will have to write about the eBay purchase I made, but not until AFTER Father's Day has come and gone!!! (soooo excited!!!)

Fiance'd

Last weekend was grrreat, indeed. Garrison Keillor and his star studded crew were wonderful - Meryl Streep is soooo versatile! And damn, she can be cute! And the 'Bowl' - ? I had NO IDEA the Hollywood Bowl was so freakin' huge?!? HUUUUGE! Aside from that (IT IS SO HUGE!), throughout the show, certainly at it's very start, I found myself vehclempted. Tears ran down my face. It was funny - I hadn't realized how much the show would flood me (more like drown me) with memories of my mum. I found myself thrown back to my childhood, while my honey-man remembered different days, listening to Garrison Keillor broadcasts with his former spouse, Wendy (REMEMBER: My honey-man and I have got a 10 year age difference between us). For us both, the event was ladden with nostalgia -and we found that we both felt a little sad- yet it was a new experience and it marked the beginnining of something significantly different. For me, although I'm not exactly there yet, the event marked the beginning of my time living in Los Angeles.

Another thing to mention: This past weekend, one thing that was notably different from all previous weekends... I was introduced by my honey-man as his fiance, well, cuz I am his fiance, but man! It threw me for a loop! I'm fiance'd! (giggling ensues) ~

Which brings me to the PRIMARY reason I'm writing right now [other than the fact that I'm still up and I can't go to bed until my Amish Friendship 'CAKE' (it is SOOOO NOT bread!) is outta the oven - - Tomorrow AM, you better be grateful, Kashmir! It's for YOU!]:

I wanna shout out a BIG HEARTFELT THANK YOU to everyone who's been so enthusiastic, hearing the news of our engagement! It is so sweet to feel so much support and enthusiasm. It's absolutely wonderful! ~ Hugs galore for all! WOO-HOO!

Lake Wobegon Days in L.A.

ALWAYS, before any trip, I'm ABSOLUTELY wired outta my mind with excitement. Just last week, the night before flying out to SLC, UT, for example... I was up until 5AM!?! I had only two hours of sleep before going to work!?! Crazy? Yes. Avoidable? I haven't yet figured out how to rewire myself. Tomorrow morning -or should I say, later this morning?- I'll be hitting the highway for L.A., to meet my sweet lovin' FIANCE' (Woo-woo! yeeeaah BABY! YEAH!) for an evening 'concert of sorts' at the Hollywood Bowl. It'll be my first Hollywood Bowl event, and we'll be going with my honey-man's former spouse, dear Wendy, and her beau, plus a friend. Willingly socializing FOR FUN with the ex-wife of one's sweetheart may be unusual behavior for most, but for those unfamiliar with my world, we all enjoy one another immensely! So, as I had said, this evening "concert of sorts"~~ It's not a rock concert, nor any symphonic event... but Garrison Keillor's A Prairie Home Companion! Not impressed? Ahhh, come on!

Didn't you grow up with earthy, intellectual-type parents (mine, although truly capable of pure silliness, often behaved older than there were) listened to and read and enthusiastically enjoyed the wry sarcasm of Garrison Keillor and Lake Wobegon? As a child, forced to either listen in the car on the radio or in the kitchen, via purchased tape cassette recordings, didn't you ever feign "oh the torture," to not only catch yourself listening intently, but also laughing - like I did? Did you "grow up" on Keillor? No? Well, I did and I liked it. In fact, I love Garrison Keillor so much, when I took "Regional Creative Writing" in H.S. for a year, for one entire semester, we were asked to mimic the writing style of a notable Midwestern/Regional author of our choice, and I chose Keillor - - and I did well at it! WHAT?!? Doesn't sound like raging fun? Well, I haven't mentioned this too recently, but I'll say it again: I'm a self-proclaimed nerd. Anyhow, AN IMPORTANT NOTE Re: Regional Creative Writing in H.S.: I got an A each semester and became my favorite (can you say, "HOTTIE?") H.S. teacher, Mr. Pudz's teaching assistant via that class. ANOTHER NOTE: "Mr. Pudz" was not his name - that's an abbreviation. His real name is crazier, but in case the man ever Googles his own name on occasion, I won't reveal it. Although I must admit, I'm sure it wouldn't shock him (or cause concern) to discover I had had a crush on him (how the hell could he have not known!?!)!

Have a good weekend, everyone!