That Voice in Their Head Will Be Mine

So, our super smartie daughter is now a sassy six year old - - and I'm trying to wrap my head around it... how the time has flown by so fast. Cliche, I know, but SOOOO freakin' true!

The boy-O will be 17 this summer... Our Juli-bean, aka Sweet Potato, she's now 6, and our little Nacho baby will be 3 years old in a couple months. I'm 40 years old. And my honey-man, he's HALF A CENTURY OLD now (snickering, as I love to tease him) = he's 50 years old!?!

I'm not where I thought I'd be at 40. Yeah, I know, deal with it - and I am, I'm trying to deal with it.

A couple months ago I found a graphic online, probably via Facebook. It's essentially a diagram that asks, "Are You Happy?" - - if yes, an arrow points around the way to "Keep doing what you're doing," and if not, "Change something."

Something has gotta change.

I'm concerned that I'm teaching my kids how to worry, how to obsess, how to be overly concerned, how to not take care of your physical and emotional well being, how to be impatient, how to let a bad day at work ruin my night, how to let a bad day ruin my week; I'm teaching them how to let a poor attitude shroud everything good.  Okay, maybe some exaggeration there, but I do know this... as they grow older and they move more out of my grasp of influence, the voice they'll often hear when faced with a challenge, it will still be my voice in their heads. And that voice will either tell them that they can't handle it, or that they can. I want -I need- my voice to be a can-do voice of self-empowerment!

And so I've gotta own my choices, past, present and future, and take on an attitude of self-empowerment, in order for me to impart such an attitude for my children.  Time to step up my game. Amen.

At That Time in My Life (written in January 2015)

Last December, 2014, as my own Christmas gift to our Juli-Bean, I took her to see her first production of the Nutcracker ballet. We were meeting a couple of my moms-group friends, who were bringing their own little girls, as we had bought all our tickets together as a group. Juli-Bean wore her official Christmas dress for the season, donning a pair of glittery black, hot pink, lime green and teal blue Skechers light-up 'Twinkle Toes' sneakers. No joke. She had forgotten to gather her tights and her quilted, shiny metallic gold, dress-up mary janes before we had gone first to grandfather's for the Annual Johnson Family Christmas Candy Making day. She pulled off those Twinkle Toes though as if the choice had been deliberate, despite the initial moment of panicked realization she'd left her gold shoes at home.

We'd left candy making all too soon, to head to the theater. We had to park nearly a block away and we ran to the Peery Egyptian Theater with one of the moms and her one daughter, who we had met at a crosswalk. We were talking as we ran, and upon entering the theater, we found our other friend and her two girls immediately.

I have no recollection as to any specifics of what any of us were talking about... As we came through those main entry doors of the Egyptian and into the lit and busy theater lobby, a potpourri of fragrance hit my nose - old, aged theater smells of dust, lemony cleaners, and musty vanilla with hints of pine. As we gave hugs of greetings to our friends, and I handed out everyone's tickets, I gave Juli-Bean our two tickets, telling her she could offer them to the usher at the entry door to the inside of the theater itself for the usher to help us determine where our assigned seats were. It was meant as a deliberate teaching moment; We ask for help from the get go, to know where to go.

I had a hand held to her back, at the spot between her neck and shoulder, guiding her along, while looking down at her to see her wide-eyed, darling face full of awestruck anticipation. She had her two hands held together at her chest, holding and protecting our two tickets. The first pangs hit me, "I'm at that time in my life, finally," I thought. Tears welled up in my eyes as if on cue, but I looked upward to spread the tears and thereby prevent their falling. I couldn't be crying already.

"I'm finally at that time in my life..."

Juli-Bean was already familiar with the theater, although she hadn't remembered the place until we entered the interior of the theater, walking down the right-side aisle... We had been there on a mommy-daughter date in February 2014 for the Weber State University-sponsored Storytelling Festival, which she had soooo loved. She squealed with LOUD delight and cast her eyes upward, nearly coming to a halt in the center of the aisle -she wanted to confirm whether the twinkling star lights set in the theater's ceiling were on.

As we came to our seats, everyone taking their turn to find their spot, shed their coat, and get themselves situated, Juli-Bean almost forgot we were there for the ballet, and not for our friends alone. Without much of a wait, the lights of the theater were dimmed, and the orchestra pit -yes, a live group of musicians- sprang to life, deftly tuning their instruments for a brief swell, followed by silence and a cough in the theater audience. The first applause began. The conductor came out, gave a quick yet strong bow to introduce himself, followed with a sweeping gesture towards his troupe of musicians, who all stood and promptly sat back down. He then turned toward the stage and raised his arms, held for only a second or two, and then brought them down... and the sparkling, twinkling beginnings of the magic of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Prelude began to be play...

I didn't even make it four full measures before my eyes were utterly filled with fat tears, and an ache of pure emotion swelled in my chest. When the flute first began to play, the tears were already rolling down my cheeks, dripping from my chin, and by the time the triangle began to chime away, my mascara was destroyed. I was so happy.

One of my oldest first memories I have of my own mum is of going to Ballet West's production of The Nutcracker in Salt Lake City. I remember sitting on the first row of the mezzanine, left of the stage. I remember clutching my mother's hand, my left arm outstretched behind me as I nearly leaned clear out of my seat, gazing down at the stage, absolutely rapt with wonder and fascination. I'm sure, not unlike Juli-Bean's first time, there were moments when I, too, wasn't entirely captivated, but once the themed dances began, my Juli-bean, just like I had been at her exact age, didn't miss a moment on that stage.

Another happy childhood Nutcracker memory of mine, it's also one of the few memories I have of my mother having long hair that does not come from a photograph... We were on a the mezzanine again, maybe my second or third time seeing the Nutcracker, I don't know. I looked at her over my left shoulder, she wasn't looking at me -she was watching the stage with a soft smile on her face and a look of serene peace, looking pleased. Her face was lit in a golden glow of light reflecting from the stage below. And I felt such love for her swell inside me -such happiness- and then I turned to see the Sugar Plum Fairies take their turn on the stage. This memory hit me as I watched the Sugar Plum fairies take the stage that Saturday with Juli-Bean... And I cried some more.

At intermission, it was every girl for herself in our group. Juli-Bean and I, we made a beeline for the bathrooms to get that out of the way, pronto. Thereafter, we wandered about the lobby looking at the displays and the Nutcracker boutique. Without having to convince me, Juli-Bean chose a nutcracker doll for us to purchase -I had always wanted one. We took some pictures of her posed in front of a life-size Nutcracker and took pictures of one of our friends with her own daughter... And this friend of mine, who had taken her daughter to see the Nutcracker the year before, for her daugther's first Nutcracker production, she said something to me that I will never forget: We've reached that time in our lives in which we get to do the things we've imagined doing with our children.

Nearly 4 years ago, when Juli-Bean was nearly a year old, it was then that I realized that if I wanted to recreate for my own daughter some of the pure joys of my own childhood, we had to leave Las Vegas.

We've been in Ogden for 2 years now. I'm hoping that for 2015, I'll get past the things that have held me back over the last 3 or 4 years, that have held me in anxiety and worry, with a panicked sense of no direction.

I reeeeally need to learn how to embrace my daily decisions that effect TODAY, and I need to live my life as it is, and stop waiting for when this or that comes into place. Some of it may never come into place, and I will have squandered away what I do have right now, right in front of me. That's what the Nutcracker taught me, with my 5 year old beside me, squeezing my hand in the dark of the theater.

18 Months Old: Part I of II

This post was left in my 'DRAFTS', untouched since October 1st, 2010. Yeah.  Although it was never finished and it's a little over a year since it'd been written, it's initial subject should still be dealt with, even a year + later...

It's time to get something out of the way officially... before I continue gushing about just how cute my 18 month old daughter is!

Over the past few months, I've come to realize many of our out of state family and friends who follow my blogging have mistakenly come to believe 'baby sweet potato girl' or the simplified 'sweet potato' is the active nickname we use at home for our lil' girlie, when we do not, not at all. So, from now on, I'll refer to her as my "Jellybean," capitalized to give it proper noun status.

EXPLANATION FOR THIS CHANGE AND THE HISTORY INVOLVED: First of all, I don't want family to feel embarrassed if and when they refer to our girlie using 'sweet potato' and we respong looking utterly perplexed. Secondly, our 'baby sweet potato girl' is no longer a baby. She has become a fledgling toddler, amping up her new found running skills and talking up a storm, adding new words to her spoken vocabulary, all on a daily basis. Originally "baby sweet potato girl" came from a sonogram appointment, during which we were told our babe inutero was about the size of a sweet potato.  This size reference stuck as a nickname, but only here in the blogosphere has it been used beyond the mere 2-3 weeks our babe was of sweet potato size. At home, our 'baby sweet potato' is instead known by a variety of nicknames, like Punky, Boo-Boo, Sweets, and most frequently, with the greatest adoration, "Juli-bean," spoken much like 'jellybean' but with the 'J' pronounced as it would be if speaking with a French accent... spoken like the French word "jous" and the 's' is silent there, those strange Frenchies and their silent word-ending consonants.

Back to now, October 17, 2011: After writing the above explanation (that was written over a year ago - - oh, did I mention that part already?), I never continued with the rest of the post, which was meant to go on and on and on about how awesome my lil' babe was at 18 months of age.  She is now 2 n' a 1/2 yrs old, and she's only gotten unbelievably more awesome over the past year. I could go on and on and on, as to how unbelievably awesome she is. Have I ever mentioned how awesome my lil' Jellybean is?

Her Latest Top Ten - Keep in Mind, She's only 2 n' a Half Years Old

My toddler's latest Top Ten List, her most favorite song(s) listed first:

1) Firework by Katy Perry TIED NECK N' NECK with the cover of Sing by Pink Martini - - If you ask her for her favorite song, just one, she'll tell you both 'Firework' and 'Sing,' every time.
2) Bad Romance by Lady GaGa - - Both my honey-man and I, we cannot believe how much she enjoys this song.
3) Here It Goes Again by OkGo TIED NECK N' NECK with Always on My Mind by The Pet Shop Boys
It should be noted that the first time she heard 'Here It Goes Again,' she interrupted the song about 30 seconds into it, yelling at me from her car sear, very frustrated, telling me that "They're singing too much! Too many words, momma! I don't know what he's saying momma! What's he saying!?!"
4) Hot n' Cold by Katy Perry - - She calls this Katy's Elmo song, having seen on YouTube Katy Perry's Sesame Street spoof of Hot n' Cold with Elmo. 
5) Rolling in the Deep by Adele - - For now, this one barely has an edge over Adele's Rumor Has It...
6) Rumor Has It by Adele - - Lots of head banging and sing-along for this one. 
7) Monster by Lady GaGa - - To ask for this one, she says, "Momma, I want 'That Boy is a Monster' please?"
8) Victor Vito by Laurie Berkner
9) Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles
10) Twinkle Little Star by Jewel

NOTE:  "Mayor John" is no longer listed amongst her top ten.

Our very own Lil' Gandhi

Another post left unpublished, written March 4th, 2010, rediscovered tonight:

Our baby sweet potato is trying to learn how best to assert herself...

At about 6 months of age, a relatively long time ago for the life of a about-to-be-one-year old, our lil' sweet potato learned that if screaming to get what she wants or doesn't want will not work --and it doesn't-- she'd have to try out other options in an effort to get her way: Sickeningly sweet politeness; batting her eyelashes; smiling all demure-like; patting my cheek; patting my hand; offering me kisses and hugs (BRIBES!); asking the question a gazillion times over and over, hoping the answer will change; stomping her feet; stomping one foot; slapping her hand(s) on the kitchen table; tossing something at us (that SoOOOooO did NOT work); pointing her lil' pointer finger menacingly at us (which only elicited giggles from her parents); rolling her eyes dismissively (I have no idea where she got that from); and asking again 2 minutes later, or again an hour later, or the next day; etc. etc.

Most recently, for the last couple days, she's decided that to procure her desired results, she'll exercise her right to peaceful protest: She won't eat.

I know she's been sick for the last week, but what I'm talking about here, her not eating? - - this kind of resistance effort on her part, it is something else entirely different that dealing with a picky eater. She'll eat a Cheerio off the floor, but not one offered to her from either me or her daddy. She'll try over and over and over to drink her bath tubby water, but not a sip of water from an offered drinking cup. She wants to watch a 'Signing Times' DVD, "Now please, mommie," while we're in the middle of breakfast or dinner, and she'll just sit there, saying and signing that she's all done, ready to watch her show now, saying and signing "please."  And we refuse to negotiate. And so she has sat, not eating.

We'll see how long she can wait it out. My bet is that she'll be trying something new by tomorrow morning, seeing as her lil' hunger strikes haven't yet worked to her advantage.

The Night Before Last

Lying belly-down on the front room couch, spoken softly and sweetly, but as if she's dying, pleading with me, my lil' Pipsqueak tries the following:

Pipsqueak: "Momma?"

Me (upbeat): Yes, punky? Whassup?

Pipsqueak: "Mahhhmma?" -short pause to see if I'm looking at her, which I am- "Momma, I neeeed a pohhpsicle."

Me (still upbeat, smiling at her with a look of amusement): Ohhh really? you think you neeeed a popsicle?

Pipsqueak (still dying, still lying on the couch): "Oh yeeessss, Momma, I neeeed a popsicle right nooow -long pause- please?"

It should be noted that her 'please' was spoken in the most cheery tone imaginable, paired with the cutest flash of uber toothy grin she could produce... lil' stinker!

The Retelling of Our Day

After getting my lil' pee wee home today, after only her 2nd day spent in a new class group --she's utterly exhausted from all the excitement of being in a new class-- We'd had dinner, had a shower, gotten our PJs on, brushed teeth, and read 6 books together, and then it was lights out, at which time, we rocked together in her bedroom's rocking chair, recounting the day's events while I tickled her back and her right arm. At some point in my retelling of her day, my mind began to drift towards my own bed, and I think I may have let myself ramble off topic, but not for long, as she turned right 'round to me, looking puzzled, and she asked me, "Mommie, what are you talking about?"

Good to know she's paying attention.

Nearly Two

This was to be shared on March 7th of this year, but we were caught up in other things soon after it was taken. It should still be shared, I think:

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

'Slipper Genie' Mopping Shoesies

I have the adult, non-animal face adorned, but also hot pink version of these 'Slipper Genie' cleaning shoes, and my daughter has coveted them since she first laid eyes on them... but see, these below are now what my lil' sweet potato has as her own 'mopping shoesies' with which she can help mommie clean our kitchen tile floors! She loves to help me mop -it's hysterically cute- but she always slipped on the wet floor, until now! With her very own pair of 'Kids Slipper Genie', she's a slip-free mopping professional.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Breakfast of Champions!

Hummus n' crackers, Breakfast of Champions!

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Her Favoritest Fluffy Lil' Friends

Over the last year, some definite favorite stuffed animals and/or dollies have become apparent and remained favorites, now that my lil' Juli-bean is two years old. I find it interesting to see 'who' she's most attached to and would like to make note of her faves now, to see someday down the road which of them survey on her list of favorites.

Going in rank order, beginning with her #1 favorite:

1. 'Merry' - This is her little brunette, red-dressed Carters doll, given to her for her first Christmas in 2009 as her first babydoll. Parts of Merry's darling ensemble are red and white candy striped tights and little brown mary jane shoes. "Merry Christmas" is embroidered in green thread on the front of Merry's dress. Merry is entirely soft with felt-like plush skin and her red dress is a fine red velour, which my daughter tickles between with her fingers in her sleep. There's also white furry trim at the cuffs and hem of Merry's dress, and she wears a red velour cap with the white furry trim sewn around its brim as well. My lil' babe dearly adores her 'Merry' and wants to take her in the car on the way to school, and she wants to sleep with her nightly. She shows Merry all the donuts in Krispy Kreme's display case, among other things for which she holds great enthusiasm. Whenever we travel, Merry goes along. I recently decided buying a 2nd, back-up 'Merry' was well overdue, so yesterday I found and bought one on eBay, already shipped out this morning.

2. 'Chuckie' - this is a darling pale mauvish-pink piggy made by JellyCat, made out of a material that can only best described as super thick, matte chenille-like corduroy. One of my honey-man's brothers from Montreal, he was here for some business in March, and brought him along as a gift. Although a relatively new addition to her brood of stuffed friends, Chuckie is a clear favorite right now, insisting sometimes over Merry, that Chuckie sleep with her in her crib. She often likes to take him along wherever we go, and she'll hold him up, atop her shoulders - - like she does on her mommie and/or daddy's shoulders, she says. I'm gunna have to find a picture of this! Done. It's absolutely precious. Like Merry, she loves to show Chuckie everything.


3. 'Bun-bun' - this is what we call her 'buddy blanket' bunny made by Bunnies By the Bay - - and we bought her a 2nd one of these as her back up over a year ago. One is kept in my car at all times and the second one is kept in her crib at all times -- TO BE CONTINUED

We are a Baby Gate Free Home! - - for now at least

This past Monday, we took the baby gate down from the top of our stairs and who freakin' knew - - we took it down and our girlie went up and down the stairs, two different trips, without assistance nor an escort, and without a single utterance of protest! She did it with great enthusiasm and confidence.

BACKGROUND INFO: A couple weekends ago, I had gone upstairs without her, cheerfully calling to her to come follow mommie, but she remained downstairs. In fact, she threw herself on the floor and she began to cry. Calling for her from upstairs, I encouraged her to come on up, that she could do it, but I could hear she wasn't convinced, still crying. I kept calling for her, maybe for a minute or more, but her crying only intensified. I came halfway down the stairs to see what was going on and to ask her, "Ahhh, what's the matter punky? Why are you so upset?" I found her clutching one of her polar bears, a lil' heap on the floor, absolutely in tears, sobbing, and refusing to come even near the stairs, begging me for help. This was something new and shocking - - this was NOT how my lil' chica had dealt before with my going upstairs without her, asking her to follow me: She used to simply follow me.

Over the past couple months she began asking to be carried up or down the stairs, and over the last month it got to the point where she would always ask -more like demand- that she be carried, and she would almost panic when forced to negotiate the stairs without immediate, direct assistance from one of us. Not without over-the-top encouragement would she even attempt the stairs, and more often than not, she wouldn't approach the stairs to go either up or down them unless one of us was right there with her to go the way alongside her.

I'd been curious as to where her new reluctance to use the stairs was coming from, but after the aforementioned weekend, I became worried and downright concerned as to what the heck had changed for her. For the past two weeks I began to suspect she didn't want to deal with the baby that gate at the top of the stairs, fearing it as an obstacle that throws her balance off, not wanting to risk a fall.

The fact that she went up and down the stairs and up and down again, all on her own each time, in the first ten minutes after the gate was removed, um, yeah, I think it's safe to assume the gate had indeed been the problem.

Earlier tonight, aiming to retrieve a favorite book of hers that she'd left in her room, she headed up the stairs all on her own, and once she got to the point on the stairs where she would have to turn and continue to move further up and out of my sight, she called down to me. With a brilliant and sparkling smile, wide-eyed and focused on my face, she nodded her head assuredly, telling me she'd be right back.

Her Top Ten, Plus One or Two or Three or More

Here's a listing of our lil' sweet potato's Top Ten favorite songs, using the one to two words she'll say to refer to such songs/artists, and each is paired with either the actual song title she either wants me to sing or what she wants to be played. DISCLAIMER: Although all this doesn't truly qualify as a list limited to a mere ten top songs, whatever, its my blog post:

Popular = Refers to the song's actual title, which is from Broadway's Wicked. For over 3 months' time it was her #1 request whenever we were in the car and she wanted me to always sing along to it (and still does). She'll contribute one or two lyrics to the sing along effort, here and there, always timing her "popular"s and the one "pop-u-LAR" perfectly. I think the record for the most times we've played "Popular" on consecutive repeat during any one drive is 10 times and this happened just last month -and it could have gone on longer, but my honey-man gave me a desperately pleading look come replay #10, so I then gave her a "last time" warning... and she cried. But daddy was happy!

Cuppycake = a song that's no more than a minute long, sung by a little girl, Amy Castle, and it's sickenly sweet and toohtahlee adorable to the Nth degree, given to us on a mix CD for xmas '09. She likes to both listen to it and to have me sing it - - sometimes she does NOT want me to sing it though. I can't compare to the original, honestly. I've been singing and playing this one for her for over a year, but only in the last couple months has she put in requests for it by name. Link HERE and lyrics must be shared:

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye And I love you so and I want you to know That I'll always be right here And I love to sing sweet songs to you Because you are so dear
Florence = referring to Florence + The Machine and this is currently her #1 request in the car, but it could be any 'Florence' song from Lungs, although her favorites are 'Dog Days are Over,' 'My Boy Builds Coffins', 'Cosmic Love,' and 'You've Got the Love' and the only one she refers to using anything more than 'Florence', is 'Rabbit Heart' -which she asks for as "Raise Up"- - So yeah, she basically likes the entire album, so I count it as one of Top Ten, as she refers to all of it as 'Florence.' SIDE NOTE: Her father isn't all that fond of 'Florence' tho, so I take great joy in the fact that our lil' sweet potato requests 'Florence' all on her own without any need of suggestion [<--- read as 'coercion' there] from mommie. Oh, and one time when 'Kiss with a Fist' was playing, she spoke up sllooowly and quietly from the backseat, "uhhh ohhh" and then declared, "She's mad!"

Mayer John = much like 'Florence' this is how she refers to anything by John Mayer, but "Gravity" is her favorite 'Mayer John' song due to the remarkable and miraculous calming effect it has upon her when she's fuzzy, as well as his entire Continuum album. We've kept this CD in the car for over a year because of its healing powers over her.

Jiggle = this is for Woodie Guthrie's "Little Sack of Sugar" - to be sung by either mommie (me) or Elizabeth Mitchell's cover which we alllll love at our house. The lyrics are darling so I must share ~

Chorus:
Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
Little sack of sugar I could eat you up

Jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, jiggle, pickle, pickle, pickle, pickle
Little sack of sugar I could eat you up

Hey, hey, hey, little sack of sugar
Ho! Ho! Ho! Little sack of sweet

Hee, hee, hee, my pretty little angel
So pretty, pretty, pretty I could eat your feet

Hey, hey, hey, little honey-bunny
Ho! Ho! Ho! Little turtle dove

Hee, hee, hee, little sack of 'taters
So pretty, pretty, pretty I could eat your toes

Chorus

Hey, hey, hey, my tootsie wootsie
Rangle, tangle, dangle and a honey and a tree

Ho! Ho! Ho! My butterfly-flitters
So pretty, pretty, pretty I could eat your nose

Chorus (begin quietly and then pick up in volume and speed)

Goo goo google and a coo and a cuddle
Kick your foot like a bicycle pedal
Pretty little hoe down and a one eyed frog (hold long on the 'frog')
So pretty pretty pretty I could gobble you whole (hold on the 'whole')

Chorus x 2

MacDonald = ONLY the funk version of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm" by Rufus Thomas or a family sing along.

Truly = this is actually something she only knows by my own lil' version in which I've inserted her name, however the original song, an old parlor song, "I Love You Truly" may be better known from ole' Perry Como. It was something both my mum and my Grams sang to me as a child. Lyrics please? Well, there posted on Wikipedia (which I linked above), but okay (I'm such a nerd):

I love you truly, truly dear,
Life with its sorrow, life with its tear
Fades into dreams when I feel you are near
For I love you truly, truly dear.
Ah! Love, 'tis something to feel your kind hand
Ah! Yes, 'tis something by your side to stand;
Gone is the sorrow, gone doubt and fear,
For you love me truly, truly dear.

I should note that I do not sing the lyrics of the second verse in any way - - instead, I sing this:

I love you truly, truly I do
You are my angel, my baby, that's you
You are my sweetest flower, my (insert her name which refers to a flower)
I love you truly, truly I do

Hush = as in "Hush, Little Baby" and for this one, we have some of our own additions, like buying a pony and some hay, and if it doesn't let you ride, momma's gunna buy you a car to drive, and if that car don't start, then we go into the horse and cart.

Lullaby = Brahm's Lullaby, better known by some as "Lullaby and Goodnight. This one, like "I Love You Truly," but worse, I have my own lyrics, only borrowing the tune and the "lullaby and goodnight" repeat.Harp = this refers to a song from Putumayo's Celtic Dreamland compilation CD called "The Dove's Return" by Áine Minogue that involves a great deal of absolutely gorgeous and quintessential Irish harp playing, and she loves it come bedtime while we rock in her chair together a bit before I lay her down for bed. I tend to play it when I'm sick and can't sing.

Sunshine = "You are My Sunshine," of course, but sung in the style of Elizabeth Mitchell.

And the one song she asks for by it's entire name, and she asks for it every night as her last song, is "Rockabye Baby".

P.S. Doh! I almost totally forgot, because it's been a while since this last had a strong listening streak, but it should be mentioned... She LOVES Jason Mraz - - anything by Mraz is golden for her! So much for 'top ten' although I was already pushing it in terms of defining any of this to a mere ten. She loves so much music.

The Things She Says

"What'r you doing?" -either wearing a happy, wide-eyed, look of intrigue with eyebrows raised or a look of pure puzzlement, brow furrowed, and can be asked of anyone she meets

"You sad?" - look of great concern and sympathy, bottom lip protruding a little

"You mad?" -look of great concern with a furrowed brow - - unless she's the reason for the upset, in which case she totally hams it up with a squinty-eyed, heart-melting smile

"Mommie, you sick? (little pause for hugs and pats) You better now? -initially a look of grave, grave concern drenched in profoundly heartfelt sympathy, followed by immediate hugs offered and little wiggling pat-pat fingers on one's neck and shoulders, after which she a big hopeful smile lights up her face.

"No, I don't like that" -frowning with disgust and shaking her head 'no', her chin tucked down into her neck and nose wrinkled, and this response could all happen in regards to either food or clothing

"I taller now!" -spoken first thing in the morning when we come in to claim her from her crib

"Let's go to Yogurtland! We got to Yogurtland now!" -squealing with excitement, hands in the air

"Let's go to Canes! Canes for chicken and french fries?" -trying hard to be suggestive and persuasive with a very hopeful expression, eyebrows raised and little head tilted sideways

"Mommie, I put my shoes in my shoe basket. Lowlypop now, mommie! - - please?" - initially very demanding tone but throws in the way charming kiss-butt smile at the end along with the sugary sweetly spoken 'please'

"Where's my baby Merry? She lost?" -very concerned for her favorite baby doll's welfare, and she will not STOP until we locate Merry

"I don't eat Play-Dough" - shaking her head 'no' with an enormous and mischievous smile and playdough in her teeth

"Look! My artwork, mommie! Look at it!" -smiling and repeatedly and proudly pointing out whatever art piece she's made

"I'm your daughter" - spoken with the most darling full-cheeked smile, usually followed with some kisses and/or hugs and/or cheek to cheek cuddles

"I'm my brother's sissy! I love him!" -spoken with pride and sheer glee

"Noooo, no go home now! Go to TJs mommie please?" -spoken initially with panic, with a quick switch to her most hopeful and persuasive tone she can muster

"Let's go people!" -spoken at near-shouting level and really wide-eyed with a little hand grasping at the front door handle when we're all about to leave home to go somewhere

"No, I'm an ice cream girl" -spoken sometimes in response to being told she's a good girl

And there are so so soooo many more - -

It's Been a While

I haven't written much of substance in a while. Granted, this is my self-proclaimed outlet of silliness. Nonetheless, sometimes I manage to write something good, something to be remembered. For months and months now, I've neglected to write much of the day to day, week to week, month to month details of my life that keep me going, that keep me believing.

For the month of March, I had hoped to revive my blogging and to make a big time effort to chronicle a number of my lil' sweet potato's accomplishments. Of course, I absolutely delight daily in my darling daughter, who is now TWO years old, but I've failed to detail so many delightful toddler tidbits for months now. And there are a gazillion other things to write about, to be grateful for as well, but over the last 3 weeks since my cousin was murdered, it's been hard to feel much is blog-worthy.

However, if anything, more now than before, I should sense greater meaning in the simple stuff, even the somewhat mundane, and write about whatever and whenever I get a chance. I guess I have been a bit too busy to write, but I've found hours to check into Facebook and Emmett's 'In Memory' group. I dunno.

Blogging, albeit silly stuff, it facilitates my personal effort to cherish all that I have and to enjoy it all to the fullest --as Emmett would want me to and he would expect no less of me... he was such an insistent and stubborn ass with the heart of a lion!

I hope with the April month I'll take more time to observe and note, to reflect and share.

It's just been so hard to think past all the disbelief that he's gone now. The pain can be paralyzing. My heart aches most for those hardest hit by this loss: His wife and 5 lil' children and his estranged parents. My dear aunt - - I want to help and don't know how, as none of it brings him back, and that's all she wants. It is absolutely heartbreaking.

She Says this is Her Uncle Loren

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

On Top of Spaghetti

One night I sang "On Top of Spaghetti" to my lil' sweet potato - - and before I could even continue the rest of the verses to even convince her the meatball would be found and grow into a tree, she burst into big, fat, rolling tears to hear I'd lost my meatball!

Why I Love Mah Honey-Man ~ Reason 63

Because he's been playing Mr. Mom this week, since we got home from our vacay, staying home each day with the lil' girlie until I can get off of work in the afternoon (2-ish) to come home and take over.

We have no daycare right now, as her school's been closed for program and teacher development since December 17th. It won't reopen until the 18th of January, this month. This happened the winter of 2009-2010 as well; this is the only shortfall of her school - - although I secretly love taking the time off to stay home and play with her, so I can't complain too much.

First! ~ Number 4

Last weekend while driving on our way home from Utah, our lil' critter sang her ABCs all on her own without any prompting and she only missed the 'E, F, G' part - - it sounds like a string of 'E's, as she altogether skips F. Although her 'L, M, N, O, P' part sounds more like "Elmo peed", we gave her full credit for that portion of her recitation.

First! ~ Number 3

Entirely on her own, unprompted by anyone or anything, our sweet potato girlie counted from one to ten.